aks- my reflection

''I Love not man the less, but Nature more''

2012-01-30T00:09:00.000-08:00

Mountains at dusk

“I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong. “

January 21, 2012

Forest Trail

Shamanic way of enlightenment is quite a theory.
As I'm sitting idle in the compartment of a train heading towards Kathgodam (Uttarakhand, India), feeling a bit restless (also because of a chatterbox and extremely precocious girl, continuously talking over her cell phone), as usual my nervous tension before finding the right spot for a few reclusive days. Presently, I'm reading a book on Shamanic metaphysical philosophy. It's interesting, lucid and comparative to ancient Hindu philosophy. Though, the rites and rituals are more complex, technical and antediluvian.

Following animal foot steps

I always wonder if it were true something cannot be created out of nothing, then at the beginning what was there upon which the germ of life sprouted? Obviously space, but how the space created at the first place? What was the thing from which or where everything created through a gradual stages of evolution? May be some sort of intelligence...

Beware the graveyard!

9:48 PM

“Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth. “

Most satisfying walk here

I Spoke a lie. I'm repentant. I'm best when I'm alone, within myself. It's not a strained silence but a quietness, a gentle freshness. Now, what I need an intense concentration over my purpose of life. I think I should tell people now onwards that I'm researcher. That's not a lie after all; the best explanation I've got!

January 22, 2012
6:45 PM, Advaitya Ashram (Lohaghat, India)

Panchuli peaks

“If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. “

It's really cold here, at least I'm experiencing it for the first time. Staying here for one night, at least, gives me much knowledge. This also comes from my “ally”, always find the Good in me, at the same time, shows my evils, putting fingers in front of my eyes. I'm feeling a peculiar peace inside deep. Whatsoever be the reason, I'm at peace now. Very silent, extreme!

1. I should be less impulsive at times.
2. Maintain my vows firmly as possible.
3. Must not deliberately recollect the past (good or bad) representations and suffer silently. This negative impressions about my own individualism is fatal.

The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences.

I've to stop here, more to write but this chill makes my fingers shivering like hell.

January 25, 2012
6:15 PM, Banbassa (Kumaon, India)

“I know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions.”

I couldn't write for two days, as I was busying myself in realizing the true beauty of nature. Nature, as her own course, presents with such profound love, one cannot help but to involve in a strange romantic intrigue. We love our parents, sons, daughters, wife and so on, but once you fall in love with nature, it seems all are just tiny manifestations of a whole. Many people call themselves “nature's lovers” but a few can really understand the true motherhood of eternal Prakriti.

I don't think I'll leave much discontent while leaving mountains. In fact, I want to go home, to start, to study, lead more focused and truthful life that I've learned from mountains. There may be thousand hurdles come but a sincere and truthful heart defies all, and reach the state of supreme self-contenment.

Swaha! Swaha!

I'm still reading the book of Shamanic worship. It's intriguing and somehow very sorcery.

Preparing supper (Don't wondering me what I'm eating)

My Solitude

2012-01-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

It’s very difficult to make people understand the real thing inside, the realization you’ve attained. Because when you are aware, you want to share but when you realize you lost your words to express. Very few of people in this world who are really at peace. Our frustration is like an unborn pregnancy, which screams for a nippy expulsion. Some people drink, some involve in sexual fantasy, some just throw themselves in midst of acquaintance. I find pleasure to write down some thoughts, some ejaculation in this way I suppose.

Solitude to me is delicious when my mind floats in its own ocean, when the whole of my existence in one sense, and imbibes delight through every stoma. As I walk along the road from my station to home everyday, I see nothing special to attract me; all the elements are extremely congenial to me. In the night after supper, I usually watch a movie or television series. I do not generally get disturbed by anyone, and even if I do, my serenity is rippled but not ruffled.

I still to find the space behind my fine intellect barrier and understood that the thing I’m searching for waits behind that wall. Nevertheless, I’ve understood that this world is nothing but a joke, a vulgar paradox. If people think that staying alone is a disease, I don’t agree with them. I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. Even the most valuable company is soon thankless and dissipating. I never found the companion that was as companionable as solitude.

In reality a man is always alone; it’s just a delusion that creates a duality in mind, searching for companion. Here aloneness is not calculated by the distance that intercedes between a man and his acquaintances. A man lives in the midst of crowded hives and still solitary as a dervish in the desert. Another man stays alone all day, working at his working desk in his office, but when he comes home he cannot grasp the loneliness, at the mercy of his thoughts, but silence is like an inscrutable pain, and his heart squeals to “see his companion”. Therefore, solitude is not an external materialization of internal thought but a silent conversation of spirit with your ego.

Relationship is commonly too cheap. We meet, we involve, and we try to gain our best from each other. Very rare relationships actually have time to acquire any new value to it. It starts from the same point, working round and round in a vicious cycle and end with an earthy unfulfilled desire. We live thick and are in each others way, and stumble over one another, and eventually lose some respect for one another. The worth of a man is not in his skin that we should lay a hand on him.

I’ve occasionally a good deal of socialization in my room, especially in the Sunday afternoon. The flexibility of my nature easily allows me to mix with everyone, and I understand people love me for various reasons. As a matter of fact, I respect all their feelings but when it comes to my privacy, I simply roll down into my shell.

I’m not dark, nor the worshiper of darkness. I’m not Satan from ‘Paradise Lost’ whose ego is the biggest strength and Achilles' heel at the same time. I’d rather be remembered as a solitary hermit, a man who is happy in his ‘unhappiness’.

Epiphany

2011-12-21T04:21:00.000-08:00

Acheronian darkness covers the day
Nights are whole of wasp fullness
Sages and sinners, all sweep by a single thunder
Oh, mother! My death, my life, pardon your child

Do I dare to say Mother?
Shall I say where I find you?
I see the vanity of death in palaces,
I see the frugality of life in tenements

When you come like a hungry lioness
Whose braveness is there to protect from the hell dust?
Some coppers won't buy time from you
The purse is already shut, and you've done trading

How long one can shut the door?
When you as a life come, the door opens full of curiosity, wondering
When you adorn your naked breasts with dark mist of death
Why people inglorious to accept you?

You are coming with thriving terror
With fierce breath of death through tarry road
A flash of Shakti reveals thousands of thousands shades
With whirling wind and free from the looney prison

How it's over, I don't want to wonder Mother
I don't marvel finding particular and real
I don't lament nor frighten, not argue about life, and death
As tears of epiphany drench my spirit

Limitless

2011-12-11T08:51:00.000-08:00

Beautiful have been the days of this year. In them the Ideal has become the Real. First, I had some tormented days last year, and then early of this year I was recuperating from the loss of my morale. The outer covering of my dry knowledge is absolute superimposition, but inside it’s all love. I may not prostrate before anyone, but every breath of mine echoes a serene sense of surrendering. Oh! Well, I can’t tell you the feeling when you know there is always someone looking for you, more or less same feeling when I was a child and fully depended on my mother, though in this case, the sensation is more voluntary.

I feel a devotion that would be one with the humblest and most ignorant, and if you see through my eyes, of course, if there is no criticism, you perhaps laugh over the colossal caprice of my heart. I understand pain is a part and parcel of our lives, but sorrow would be lifted into a golden womb if we follow our hearts.

There are moods, plenty of these always, changing with varied circumstances, in which new faiths are born. Listening to us, talking to ourselves and refusing none develop the feeling of love.

Confusion and Conditioned Mind

2011-12-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

More often people call me confused, and I admit it’s somehow a brutal truth. Even, I take such a long time to take a trivial decision. It irritates me, sometimes confuses me more, but I once again let it go. Majority of people are suffering from this disease, which they easily ignore. However, run deep there are always conflicts of envy, with its pleasure and pain, inevitably breeds confusion, both outwardly and within.

Another thing that breeds confusion is the fear. We fear of loosing things, we always think future, thinking of shore, but in the meantime we ignore the journey on the river. It’s everyday living, the miraculous effect everywhere if we see around with open eyes. But we lose the beauty and subtlety because of ugliness; pain and violence of our futuristic lose. Aren’t we dying young when we die? We (try) grasping our lives within our tight grips and we fail. We will indeed die young.

We see the shore, beautiful and secure but without understanding this life, how we can understand what is on the other shore. All talks about soul, pure enlightenment, peace etc. are just mere a child’s dream. A myth, an illusion, an ideal invented by a frightened mind in search of conformity.

In my experience I’ve realized, realization won’t happen gradually. Clouds of confusion can’t be erased slowly or gradually. If one part of mind is confused, other parts can’t be free. It’s a one room flat, either you live in it or leaves it.

Confusion in our minds let us to eternal desire that we will find happiness. In every vain attempt to find comfort chains us one more sorrow. Finding truth is not comfortable, in fact truth is far for being comfortable. Still, alas! We all run after finding some comfortable truth!! If we seek comfort, we may find it an explanation, a relationship or a belief or even a drug; but it will be temporary, and sooner or later we will have to begin over again. A mind which seeks comfort, security, will always be in sorrow. It’s a paradox, don’t we see this thing in our lives everyday? Whatever we wish, whatever we think, of course in our partly confused minds, always reverse the gear by some sort of mojo.

We all want to get back into the happy state we once knew - to have again the pleasure of it. As we can’t do that, we are torn with sadness, and therefore, seek comfort. Our conditioned and confused minds won’t let us to face the fact that we think cause sorrow, and we try to escape.

However, there is no such thing as “lasting comfort”, at least apparently. We can’t reach truth by confusion. There is no such thing where no psychological disturbance whatsoever. One may put together, by various means, a state of security and conformity, but life soon comes knocking at the door. This knocking at the door, this awakening, is called sorrow. The more we seek happiness in life, the more we invite this sorrow.

My point is, we can’t do anything but to realize the truth of this fact, that a mind, which seeks happiness, will always be subject to sorrow. When we realize this, when we realize we are prisoners in our boats on this eternal river, we do not ask what to do, but a whole series of actions, or sometimes ‘inactions’ come into being.

2011-11-27T23:07:00.001-08:00

Be like a child and forgive any injury caused by somebody. Forget it immediately. Never allow to make it a nest in your heart, if you does, it kindles hatred and hatred is a fatal poison, both physiologically and psychologically.

A Moments Indulgence

2011-11-25T23:16:00.000-08:00

I have received the infinite grace of Him. I can't say I'm free, however, I'm relieved.

Every wrong doing that my conscious says so, I can't change in this life time, may be that is the most hapless thing in my life. Nevertheless, I'm aware of 'I', its play, modifications, little disobedience, and this is enough of it.

I can't agree more with J. Krishnamurthi with his concept of awareness. I've realized in my life. It's a wonderful feeling when you are meditating, not ritually but always. In every steps all thoughts come with a gradual pause, with a seriousness incalculable. It's not we are doing, we are thinking but there is no WE after all. Sea of thoughts, wave after wave puncturing our skulls and penetrating our brains with an astounding silence.

I have known nothing about Yoga, may be a tiny grain of it but mind layers are opening gradually, as it were like opening a book. It's a good and bad feeling at the same time because my body(vessel) can't take it for long. My existing Karma makes it vulnerable to accumulate power. Earlier, I thought these thought reading, glowing skin etc. were exciting, but now I feel all those things are disgusting. It's the simplicity that matters and internal glowing that counts.

Peace!

Here I would like to mention a beautiful Rabindranath Tagore's poetry:

A Moments Indulgence

I ask for a moment's indulgence to sit by thy side. The works

that I have in hand I will finish afterwards.

Away from the sight of thy face my heart knows no rest nor respite,

and my work becomes an endless toil in a shoreless sea of toil.

Today the summer has come at my window with its sighs and murmurs; and

the bees are plying their minstrelsy at the court of the flowering grove.

Now it is time to sit quite, face to face with thee, and to sing

dedication of life in this silent and overflowing leisure.

Footloose In Himalayas

2011-11-01T02:33:00.000-07:00

Everyone I come across, in cages they bought

They think of me and my wandering, but I'm never what they thought

I've got my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts

I'm alive...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be

Consider me a satellite, forever orbiting

I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me

Guaranteed

- Eddie Vedder

Wandering gives a floating effect in my soul, failing in lust, sweet and airly warm. I'm being carried up and down on ebbs and tides. Every time I come back to home with an unfulfilled heart, a black hole and queer melancholy. I miss many things, mostly the space I am searching for, it's for a brief time, just like taste my panacea sweetmeat but never really relish it fully.

Anyways, the therapeutic effect of travel is indeed incredible. Every time mountains teach me lessons, which I never learn in midst of claustrophobic environ. So many different people, so many thoughts, such purity in rivers, sky touching lonely mountains and above all the indispensable faith. How it is possible for thousands of years the same landscape presents the similar nostrum effect in the minds of people.

When a person is moved by a deep trauma, or be suddenly brutally curious to know the deeper aspects of life covered by layers and layers. He feels forced to go on this sort of quest, and it's better to let it be. Sometimes, footloose along with an unknown path, subjecting ourselves to risk opens a channel. More often the deepest corridors of our hearts there is a hidden uncommunicative space where we refuse anyone to enter. It's a space where love hurts, the same space where apparently there is no cure. Of course. Refuse to love, refuse to stop caring will never avoid those shodden tears, vicious pain. Here comes the faith to rescue us from every pain we receives.

We all get this opportunity to revolutionize our miserable life, though most often we don't because we are conditioned to a morbid life of security and conformity. Above all we are chained to pain of relationships where we refuse to see the antithetic horizons and strangle some fabulous experiences. We don't give our minds to expand, to grow, to realize anything. We try to understand everything by our own conservative mentality.

Someone says a beautiful thing that lately I've realized in my life. He says we are wrong if we think happiness emanates principally from human relationships. God placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. Whenever I travel, I meet new people, venture into unknown territory, accustom to new environment, I'm surely learning, see the subtle beauty, much larger than any creature in this world. It's a profound effect that's inexpressible.

Mighty Ganges - From time immemorial the river is a source of faith, life and soul of millions of people

Half naked monk at the beach - I wanted to ask him why he was so serious

The deepest wood I've ever seen. This was shot in a broad daylight,but not so light really penetrated through these woods.

Perched at the height of 3800 meters, Tungnath temple is believed to be the highest temple in the world. It's one of the Panch Kedars, but a little desolate.

Himalayas always cast a magical spell on me. These mountains make my mind absolute still

Chandrasheela is perched at 4100 M. This peak presents a spectacular view of Himalayas,especially Nandadevi, Trisul, Kedar Peak, Bandarpunch and Chaukhamba peaks.

German Bakery in Rishikesh - My favorite hangout place

Laksham Jhula in Rishikesh - Iron suspension bridge from where one can have spectacular views of Ganges.

Spent my night with him. The best part of my journey so far. He was an agricultural engineer from Rajasthan, now a wandering monk, even without a footwear.

Rough Day at Deoritaal. The legend is that the Devas bathed in this lake hence the name, the lake is also sometimes believed to be the "Indra Sarovar" referred to in the Puranas by wandering, Hindu mendicants. It is also believed that it was the place from where the mighty Pandavas were asked queries by Yaksha.

What's Your Question?

2011-10-17T00:35:00.001-07:00

Everyone has a surprising question in his life. In epic Mahabharata Yudhisthira asked by Yaksh what was the most wonderful thing in this world.

Replying the question, the son of Dharma says, the most amazing thing is that even though every day one sees countless living entities dying, he still acts and thinks as if he will live forever in this body.

There are lot more to this question - many interpretations, many sublime thoughts are hidden. As far as reality, “I am dying” doesn't really exist.

To me, the greatest and wonderful surprising fact is, everyone believes in God- in various forms, different names, in different organized religions, and even agnostics are also believers. And this belief is eternal, without any beginning and end. Still, a very rarest people have that faith, to get the energy to surrender themselves to “THY WILL WITH LOVE”.

Why we desire? What is 'I' , for which we are in this wretched situation of life? How we can't control this mind? And by the way, who are WE controlling? It's mind control mind!

I find wherever and whenever I leave my trifling desires to Thee, and let it go, I'm extremely contented. Happiness is fleeting, bliss is visionary, but self-contentment is real. Without surrendering ourselves, without a bit faith, without knowing who we are, we are always whirling round and round in this complex maze what some wise people call it LIFE.

What If I Am A Cancerian?

2011-10-14T03:38:00.000-07:00

Astrology is a very interesting subject of study, though more often misunderstood because of superstitious beliefs and notions. Many people look Zodiac signs to evaluate their characteristics, feel joy to see the similarity between written words and their lives. However, the fact is, most of the prediction of Zodiac Signs are generalized and very shrewdly manipulated.

There is an ocean of difference between Oriental and Western Astrological study. In Oriental system Zodiac signs are not principally foreseen by birth date and sign. Signs are not governed by Sun but Moon. But in Western system of astrology, Zodiac are governed by Sun that's why called Sun Signs. In Oriental system Sun Sign holds little water rather believe in Lagna (ascendant). It is the first moment of contact between the soul and its new life on earth. One's ascendant, or lagna, is the degree of the sign, which is rising on the eastern horizon at the time of one's birth.

I will come later on about Cancer Zodiac sign but before, I would like to mention an other interesting aspect of Indian astrology.

According to Hindu/Vedic astrological science, Human beings are principally categorized into three Ganas:

1) Dev Gana ( Divine )

2) Manushya Gana ( Human )

3) Rakshas Gana ( Demonic )

In ancient times these Ganas were significant during matching of a girl and boy horoscopes for marriage purpose.

Physically there are not much differences between people of these Ganas, but usually Dev Gana person displays a serene countenance on face with a calm mind. They are not much inclined towards gluttony and generally sleep less. They have an artistic bend of mind and peace loving. They are emotional and romanticize everything in their lives. Caring, protective, emotion, sensitivity, calmness are the prominent traits of this Gana.

The Demonic or Raksha Gana people are aggressive and sensual. They have a great libido and mostly inclined towards carnal desires. They are physically beautiful, powerful with vigor. Human or Manushya Gana is between those two extremes.

Zodiac Cancer Traits

Cancerians are emotional (mostly to the point of overemotional), intuitive and imaginative. There are clever people but seldom outwardly show their shrewdness. They are cautious about relationship and often protective to the point of irritation. They are sympathetic, which more often leads to misery in their own lives.

On the darker side, they are moody, changeable according to circumstances, touchy, sentimental, and unable to let it go any emotional jolt. Most often they prefer solitude, which make them unpopular among friends.

They pretend to be cold, thick-skinned, obstinate, energetic and inspired. Inside they are emotional and having philosophical profundity. They are like water, very well suited with changing circumstances, also a negative trait for them, as vulnerable to tricky situations. Other problematic feature of this sign is the imaginative capability, which leads to fantasy, sometimes trying to shape their lives to fit some romantic ideal. They are artistic, proficient in some form of art like visual art, writing, singing or possess cognition in all.

The biggest problem of this type of people is their loneliness, which they sometimes force on themselves. They prefer solitude but have excellent oratory skills and that's why popular among peers. They have sharp ears, critical faculty and tendency to be emotional that may make them overact. They throw an impression of being down-to-earth and fascinated by occult, and are more open to psychic influence than the average.

They dislike aggravating situations, failure, opposition, being told what to do and advice (good or bad).

Malarkey

2011-09-30T04:27:00.001-07:00

Many people afraid of talking to me as I am not easy to converse with. I tell you I have some deranged brain cells, and mind you, I am not the thing that you think I am anyway.

So many people doing so many things at the same time, but all incoherently. There is no unity.

A lot of people do so many things, some photographers, some writers, some industrialists, some poets..I 'm quite happy doing what I'm doing.

Sometimes in my mind I enter layer after layer after layer, and eventually I penetrate deep inside. However, there is always one more layer to perforate.

In senses it's not possible to do the real sensible thing.

Sometimes a deep trance has a sorcerous effect on the whole surroundings.

I go as far as to die, in order to win. I've no one to compete but the competition is tough.

The way we see things, is not necessarily to be in that way. Watch out and not talk about.

Meandering Through Deepest Corridors

2011-09-22T00:25:00.000-07:00

When you leave everything, you will gain everything.

I feel I am strong. I can't express in words how I feel sometimes. I can switch off and on my emotional plugging switch whenever I require.

I have realized one of the greatest strengths one can possess is the flexibility.

Sometimes I feel amazed to analyze myself. There are so many characters in a single character. I can identify myself with everyone around, and that's the reason I can read mind after a certain time I spend with a character. I am not what I am, I am what everyone is.

After a long turmoil, now I have realized that a complex confusion is necessary in life. Sooner or later everyone goes through a confusion, most of them leave it and take life as it is, but some dig hard and try to get a solution. In the process they lose many sensual and emotional pleasures, but somewhere in the life, they understand a few subtlest things of this existence.

My conscience is clear.

Tuesday Humor

2011-09-20T04:28:00.000-07:00

Shubhajit once went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and named Sita, Gita and Priya and said, “Sita costs 1 lakh.”

“Why does Sita cost so much?” the customer asks.

The owner says, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”

The customer asks about Gita and was told, “That one costs 2 Lakh because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the Kubuntu operating system.”

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about Priya and is told, “That one costs 10 Lakh”

Needless to say this begs the question, “What can she do?”

The owner replies “To be honest I’ve never seen it do a thing but the other two call her boss!”

2011-09-20T01:02:00.001-07:00

Our eyes are the biggest obstruction to see the thing. We must feel.

Are You Weak?

2011-09-16T02:47:00.000-07:00

A weak always cribs.

A weak torments with selfish sentimentalism.

A weak is sensual.

A weak can't take blame.

A weak always cries.

A weak is volatile.

A weak is inflexible and mistakenly makes it a so called self respect issue.

A weak has no self respect.

A weak never lives a day because he is fearful.

A weak despises pessimism of life because denial of bitterness of truth is a common syndrome in him.

A weak is a hypocrite.

The strong is truth. He holds it in the most toughest circumstances. Even if he sits in an obscure cave, his truth has the power, even an ant carries his food to feed him.

Whippersnapper Animation

2011-09-13T03:41:00.000-07:00

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I Can't Dream Anymore

2011-09-10T03:08:00.000-07:00

A young aspirant once came to the great English poet Dryden with a view to learning the art of poetry. Dryden, it is said merely put to him the question, “young man, do you dream dreams?” Dreaming dreams is as essential to poetry as it is to religion perhaps.

In every conscious effort, I feel there is something more consciousness lies somewhere beneath that deep conscious moments always guide me in every step; when I wake up, eat, steps on the stairs, home, office everywhere. That deep apparently unconscious thing is somewhat conscious in normal tone of life. It can't be penned down or explain through words. It's sublime, more of a subtle perception, and not any kind of cerebral aberration.

Nowadays, I can't dream anymore, so no poetry, no dukkha (sadness). Without sadness how can one learn in life? But there is something inside, which is vacant, like an austere desert where I see nothing but far distant land. Waves may roll down, torrents rage, but deep inside the infinite blessedness, it is still, calm. Sometimes, the desert frightens me, it is haunting, mostly in the moments when the darkness deep inside the heart beckons to inscrutable anxiety. The load I carry sinks with all my frail vessels of different ego. It's an incredible light that pushes me face to face with the truth. Nevertheless, the shackles that bind me to this hole of bondage, this misery, this shallowness torment me time to time.

I now find my mind is in a moderately stable state, where there is no emotional excitement, nor the intellectual complexities, which actually provoke me to answer questions without my pointless logical conclusion. I am at peace, but I pretend, and now the pretension is quite habitual. It's like a second skin, even a person can't understand whether I dislike or like. All these are too complex, two levels of life run parallel. In one hand we have everything, to make and change our future, and on the other hand, nothing is in our hands. Somewhere we have to surrender, born with an unshakable faith.

Some Thoughts

2011-09-08T02:22:00.000-07:00

'Free Will' is misnomer. If it is will, it can't be free.

Those who run after materials can't be intuitive.

Chained by desires, a person is always unhappy.

Too much futuristic thoughts kill the fervent of life and result into a complex synthesis of desires and unsatisfaction.

Life is pessimism. In the root, there is only sorrow and Buddha was right indeed. One lives a life fullest who stays happy in unhappiness.

Big Bang Theory "Addiction"

2011-09-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

I confess, I am presently addicted to a Television show 'Big Bang Theory'. Every morning before office, I religiously watch an episode. It's hilarious, tempting, straight and hell lot of entertaining. I relate to the characters' obsession of comics, video games, documentary, scientific logical conclusions etc. Every character is different but weave symmetrically together.

The show is centered on primarily five characters: Leonard Hofstadter, an experimental physicist with an IQ of 173 who received his Ph.D. when he was 24 years old. His roommate and my favorite Sheldon was a child prodigy who began his college education after fifth grade and earned a Ph.D. at 16. A theoretical physicist focusing on string theory, he possesses a master's degree, a Ph.D. an Sc.D., and an IQ of 187.

Another three characters- Penny, a blonde waitress and aspiring actress with social skills and common sense but intellectually starved. Other two geeky and socially awkward co-workers and friends Howard Wolowitz, an aerospace engineer and a non-PhD from JPL, and Rajesh Koothrappali, a particle astrophysicist also working at Caltech. The four friends spend their time working on their individual work projects, playing video games, watching science fiction movies or reading comic books. As they are self-professed nerds, all have little or no luck with "popular" women.

The comic effect created by four friends and salty effect by Penny fuel the series. The series all about science (particularly physics), Sci-fi, fantasy and comic book fandom and relationships. I simply like the tussle between friends, awkward moments between Penny and Leonard, and Sheldon's problem solving (including emotional ones) by his blunt and stark scientific logic.

Some Dialogs

Sheldon: Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch
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Sheldon: Oh, well, this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.
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Leonard: [discussing Sheldon's work] At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions to get the math to work.
Sheldon: I didn't invent them. They're there.
Leonard: Yeah? In what universe?
Sheldon: In all of them, that's the point!
................................................................

Sheldon: I'm not insane! My mother had me tested!

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Leonard: You wanna talk about not getting love from a parent, you know what I used to do when I was little to have some sensation of human contact?
Penny: Yeah you grabbed your penis and wouldn't let go.
Penny: ...Your mother told me.
Leonard: Course she did. Anyway that's not what I was gonna say. When I was 10 years old, I built a hugging machine.
Penny: A hugging machine?
Leonard: Yeah, I got a dressmakers mannequin, I stuffed it with an electric blanket so it would be warm and I built two radio-controlled arms that would hug me and pat my back.
Penny: That is so sad.
Leonard: You know what the saddest part was?
Penny: What?
Leonard: My father used to borrow it.

................................................................................

Sheldon: I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original trajectory and adheres to you.
Leslie: [sarcastically] Ouch!

.............................................................................................

Photo Gallery

Aloneness

2011-09-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

To understand the life better and live a peaceful life, I stay alone in my mind always. I talk to people, everyday I mix with lots of people, laugh, tease and even sometimes scold, but I never involve in anything. I do not really care about my income, my relationships and my future, as I feel all are useless thoughts, occupying your mind and sweep you away from the purpose of life. If we analyze our lives, from abstraction to common, everyday, nay, every moment of our lives is a contradiction. And this contradiction exists because of our incapability to stay alone in the mind. A life is a mixture of existence and non existence. Today I see many things, feel so many emotions – everything exists to me. Tomorrow I will be not here, and my world will be vanished with me. Here ‘I’ means the sole ego without which we can’t identify ourselves.

How we grow from childhood to old age? In what impulse we do all our work in the span of one single life? Everything seems easy to recollect but when we really put effort to go beyond a few steps to sublimity of this stretch, we find an adamantine wall, which we cannot pass. All our works are in a circle, and we cannot go beyond this. The problems we are facing every moment force us to find a permanent solution, but we cannot solve them, because we can’t go beyond our intellect. And yet some queer desire to solve this nearly impossible problem is implanted strongly in us.

A friend of mine once told me he didn’t believe in heart. According to him most of us give vote to heart unanimously whenever a tough decision needs to be taken keeping aside the mind. Heart works on the signal of senses. And senses are propelled by desire. Desire is considered to be blind and perverted. So, he always finds it illogical to go heart's way rather than minds because the latter has logic, experience, practicality, intelligence, wisdom, and so on.

It was a nice observation indeed! Here again there is a contradiction of thoughts comes in. By heart we are all selfish and the reason of this eternal sorrow is because we relate everything with us. True happiness lies in the power of renouncing own personality for a time, so as to remain knowing subject, clear vision of the world. Until we don’t leave our own interests, wishes and aims entirely out of sight, we remain subjective. Every selfish desire is chained with another one, and only freed from will, the intellect can see the object as it is. This is platonic, the reality.

When we are children, we are born optimist. In childhood remember how we dreamt so many dreams and wanted to be so many things at the same. In young age when our blood is warm we become more optimists. We think we can do it, or WE ARE DOING. It is very hard for a young man to see death or perceive defeat or degradation. We think we can change the world. But when old age comes, the life is a mass of ruins. Dreams have vanished into the air, and the man becomes a pessimist. He understands that what he thought he was doing actually a forcible thing, sort of artificial intelligence where a man is governed solely by some external force. The ego doesn’t allow him to think impartially. Thus we go from one extreme to another, buffeted by nature, without knowing where we are going. But a wise person becomes contented with the natural flow of his life. He understands the more we know of our passions, the less they control us; and nothing will protect us from external compulsion so much as the control of ourselves. Life is all about control, gradually erasing every external stimulus from mind and makes it empty. And that’s the beauty of aloneness.

2011-09-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

Wealth is enjoyed by people who have wisdom and a strong culture.

2011-09-02T04:03:00.000-07:00

I don't want myself to heal
Everyday, a moment I think intensely about the past
That's my atonement, my revenge, my gasoline

A duffer can't forget and forgive. An intelligent forget and forgive. A wise do forgive but never forget.

2011-08-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Happiness is very hard to find. When you leave and renounce the things you always love to do, you find happiness.

Wondering Passion

2011-08-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

From last few months I have been in continuous flux. I don’t know but there are certain aspects of me that are disturbing. I actually understand what’s going on but can’t control the specific emotion at the right time. I am feeling I am loosing my passion, loosing the zeal, some sort of sordid torpor, which makes me restless. Though at the surface, I work very hard, to gain some material success but that's not 'Me'.

I feel our mind is broadly divided into two sections: the superficial layer and the deeper level of consciousness. There is a big problem; we can say a universal problem. We tend to divide life into fragments, the business life, the social life, family life, and hobbies and so on. Though all lives, those fragments are apparently different from each other, but at the deeper consciousness those are not different shells of our lives. Those divisions between our lives exist and mingle with each other when there is so much contradiction.

How to find a way of living? How to get detached from the fragments of our minds? How to find the core intelligence in us that’s continuous working within us? The idea of integration of fragments or in a better way, to keep separate ourselves from the fragments of lives seems absurd to me. We can’t just separate ourselves from those integral things; else we have to renounce the world. So, where is the solution to live a less disturbing life?

To find out if there is a way of living – daily living, not a monastic living, which has this quality of passion and intelligence one has to understand the nature of pleasure. Is it possible to silent the mind in midst of chaos? I’ve experienced it is possible. When the mind is extraordinarily quiet, silent and without any resistance, without any system, it sees the whole issue. But we generally don’t want this. We want immortality. We write something and put our name on it, which is a form of immortality. We always want to leave a name behind; man always wants to leave something of him behind. The main hindrance before quieting the mind is this natural passion of ‘me’ and ‘mine’. This ‘me’ becomes extremely important, the ‘me’ opposed to the community, the same ‘me’ wanting to identify itself, wanting to fulfill itself. When we silently observe this 'me', we see it’s nothing but a bundle of memories, words that cling to our ego. The ego is the very essence of the separation between you and me, they and we.

So, how to be separate from those fragments of our lives within those fragments? This is tough. I don’t have this answer because I haven’t realized anything to sort out any answer of this. But I believe if one loves, he can easily find freedom from those fragmented turmoil of life. We are unfortunate, we are indeed. We are chasing our own ‘me’ and ‘mine’ generated ambition in office and we come home and say ‘I love you’ – is that love? In the office we are brutal, cunning and at home we are compliant, loving – is that possible? We deny all these reasons because we accept it as a social morality but the real thing is when we actually deny this social morality, and then we are really moral. But we do not do that. That’s the reason we do not know what love is. We “love” something today, next day that thing slips between our fingers. We lack passion, we lack focus. We can only know what love is when we know how to die to everything of yesterday, to all pictures of pleasure, sexual or otherwise.

We, as a nature throughout our lives lack passion. We have tremendous lust after power, position and various medium of entertainment, both sexual and religious, but all are just lustful craving. We sometimes beautify those with the immortal word of love.

Busy Bee

2011-08-06T08:14:00.001-07:00

I am quite busy, not getting much time to shape my thoughts/feeling/realization/preaching into words. However, everyday I go through all my favorite blogs and keep in touch with you. Perhaps, every time I can't comment, but surely I am here. After all, aren't we believe it's blogging without obligation???

The Silent Power Of Compassion

2011-07-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

Long ago when I was a part time journo, I had attended a memorial service for a prominent business person. In a bleak and subdued atmosphere, many friends and acquaintance paid their tribute in narrow and humble voices. And finally a bit rustic, disheveled and clearly an outsider of that bunch of people got up. Speakers there were assured and eloquent, but he was certainly under great emotional stress, could barely speak.

With a choked voice, he simply and roughly translated his sentiments verbally that he was an office boy when his ‘Malik’ (boss) picked him, educated him and gave support.

“For long time I was a hopeless guy, no good to him, or to others. I always failed miserably even in trivial works. But he never gave up.”

Anyone could support success, but have faith in failure required special power. He added. He said tears in his eyes that he had lost his best friend.

The speech was short but so emphatic; I noticed people were weeping, not just for the man who had gone but for the unashamed sorrow of the follower.

This is what compassion can do. It’s a miraculous power of humanity, which is the most healing of human emotion, can transform the world. It was that the power those decades ago sent Albert Schweitzer to Africa. Without it there would be no welfare state, no RSCPCA, no Red Cross or organizations like The Samaritans. It is the same power that made a young Macedonian girl to left his country and traveled far to East, later to be venerated as Mother Teresa. It is the same divine power that spread Ramkrishna Mission to every nook and corner of the world, has become the largest charitable monastery in the world. Look around and you see this healing force at work in all sorts of situations.

I met a man who used to live all alone in the hills. He was a middle-aged man living in his isolated cottage. He admired nature, animals and maintained a small yet beautiful garden. My city bred friends regarded him with wonder.

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” asked one. “Oh”, he said, ‘if that feeling comes on the summer, I take a bunch of flowers to someone who can’t get out. And if its winter, I go out and feed the birds.”

An act of compassion was his instinctive antidote for loneliness.

Where does it come from, this extraordinary capacity to share another’s grief or feel another’s pain?

A man’s greatest wealth is his spiritual insight. The more one is spiritually fulfilled, the more he becomes intuitive and conscientious. The first stage of this compassion process is empathy; the projection of one’s own consciousness into another beginning.
Second one is courage. One can’t lead a peaceful life with afraid always knocks his door. Push all fear aside and translate all caring into action.

Third thing is habit of helping. One needs to have this attitude to help people without any selfish motive. When you observe someone is in need and you can help a little, you help him. Of course silently or even in a reverse way to show that you don’t help but help him in anyways.

Fourth is detachment. One cannot do a right action without renouncement in his heart. If one is attached to sentiments, it leads to impulsive decisions, create familiarity and familiarity always breeds contempt.

All these qualities are latent in us and that add up the deep tenderness, we call compassion.

Dharma (religion) and Our Lives

2011-07-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

My friend Katia asked me last day about what I felt about Dharma. Though I am very much reluctant to talk on this topic with people, but still told her that I would write my understanding and realization about this topic. So here I have written a personal understanding on dharma(religion). The article doesn't contain any schools of philosophy or discussion about different sects but a personal account.

When we see Jesus from our common vision, we visualize a man who born and brought up in a poor family, worked hard to sustain the family, fought hard to establish the truth and eventually suffered terribly and crucified for the sake of humankind. So, what he got? This question seems absurd because a man with a trace of selfishness can never understand what he got. He got nothing because he desired nothing.

Saint Paul said; “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shall be saved.”

Now why should we believe? The great problem of all times is that we take as a granted the both knowable and unknowable are bounded by the unknowable and the struggle to know the unknown through the known is the best possible way. Though we all more or less (try) to be contented with the known; eating, drinking, sensual pleasures, a bit charity, some morbid sentiments and so on. This idea is in the air. From the wise to the little infant, everyone is told to remain good and do good to the society and believe in unknown and that the world is all about dharma. And all questions about infinite and to find the unknown etc. are madness and seems a person to be admitted in some lunatic asylum. So, as this case of modern society, all these thoughts are considered into philosophical discourse, and not religion.

However, human being is human being because he cannot content with all those knowable things of the present. The difference between a man and a cow is, a cow always looks downward, but a man naturally looks upwards. Looking upwards and going upwards is the destination of every man, sooner or later he will realize it. The truth doesn’t look into our pockets, or dresses we wear, or the house we live in, but in the wealth of spiritual thought in our brains. A man finds pleasure in its intellect more than an animal finds in its senses and a certain point of time, we realize the spiritual knowledge is more enjoyable than the rational and there nothing goes beyond. That’s called progress, all our intellectual and material progress and all motives behind our works have this force. The more we have this force, the more we are pushed forward. And that is religion.

Religion doesn’t live on our pockets, nor does it dwell in our castles. We may question what religion can do for the human society? Can it take away poverty of the poor? There is perhaps more blood flowed in the name of religion than the combined wars happened till date. So does it make it untruth of religion? Suppose a baby stands among the world’s great scientists and when a scientist tries to explain the theory of relativity, it says, “does it bring chocolate?” No, certainly not, answers the scientist. “Then”, says the baby, “it’s useless”. The baby judges the whole universe from its own standpoint, and so do the babies like us. Infinite must be judged from the standpoint of infinite. Jesus can’t be judged from the point of a common man’s problems. Religion is the relation between the eternal soul and the eternal God. And all arguments of doing good, charity, worshiping different sects are distorted form of this eternal truth. Those are negative arguments.

We may talk innumerable lectures, listen to sweet preaching, read the whole library, but religion is realization. Our life as a whole is a religion. A few words we learn and repeat like parrot do not make us religious, we might become scholars but not religious. Most of the scholars are like eagles, flying high but their glance are always on the pray. We may talk tall but our minds are always focused on money and sensual pleasures. And we give zillion of excuse for the support of our deeds.

Explicit Yet Implicit

2011-06-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

1. Nobody is perfect, yet everyone is! So, it is our foolishness to seek faults in others. Everyone is like everyone. Everyone is right from his own angle. And it is standing libel on human nature to call one sinner.

2. Sometimes we stumble, more often regret, but let bygones be bygones. We will gain nothing from it, nor do we find peace opening old wines in a fresh bottle. The purpose of life is everything, the pull must go on. Inch by inch we will gain ground.

3. From my own experiences, I speak in one voice that every motion is in a circle. If you hate, you will receive hate, if you love, you will receive love. In spite of every bitter word, I embrace all; in office, home and even with a stranger I talk with my utmost humbleness. And I receive enormous amount of love in return. In a period of time, I have experienced, even the most stubborn and snobbish person becomes a childlike with me.

4. Long faces do not help anyone. When your face is dark, that may be constipation but it is not religion. The first sign of knowing yourself is cheerfulness. Your face radiant, whole body is at calm and your eyes laugh. That’s called enjoyment!

5. The very idea of meditation is ennobling. It’s a complete peace; moreover, it’s the best method to understand own ‘ahamkara’ (ego).

6. I’m so good that I’m good for nothing. My purpose to do good, finding good is lost in nothingness. Why should I? I’m at peace. I feel the rest of my soul more than that of the body. Oh, it is so calm!

Hibernation Period

2011-06-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

This generation is indeed degrading. We’ve become so morbid, we worship sorrow! All through my (whatever insignificant) life and experiences i have found this with people. Social life is like a peal of laughter outside, but underneath, it is a wail. it ends in a sob. The fun and frivolity are all on the surface: its a tragic intensity indeed. We try to hold something and next, it slips through our fingers. In a few occasions I got the opportunity to meet a few persons who are sad and gloomy outside, but underneath carelessness and merriment.

Months ago I met someone, while conversation, she said, she wanted a ‘rich’ husband so that she got plenty of time and luxury, and then she started what she always wanted to do. I smiled back. What could I respond to this type of child’s prattle! Again, there are people who want good relationship, plenty of money and what not! They really don’t know what they actually want, and their selfish motive brings lingering misery in their lives. To forget, they don’t contemplate, but more engage in ‘Bride and Prejudice’ and ‘Mills and Boons’ fantasy. Perhaps they think their world is full of fragrance where even sweat and shit emit sweet smell!

Anyways, I’m going for my hibernation period, meet you all after a break (I guess this time it would be long)

Let Me Remain In Silence

2011-06-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

Every morning I wake up with tears sharp and injure
My human heart with a babyish brain translates human words
I never forget the words, naught but human dreams,
Interpreting instructions
And desires unfulfilled.

Every dusk when I walk back home with suffering and life unheard
My patience is my companion, glorifying my strength
But conflict is between emotionalism and the truth
Thorny desires of yours and my self sacrifice, all yoked in slavery

Every night when I stare to distant lonely stars
I pray silently for you and cry for this inseparable weakness
A ray tying to me rushing towards perpetuity
Concealing me from you and opening you from me

Have mercy my Lord!
Let me ascend high, escaping earth’s gravity
Let body wails, heart wrings, mind tortures
I remain in rich in wisdom, freeing every single echo
At dawn I may unite with the breeze
At dusk I may join homebound birds
At night I may reflect on You.

Some Time Pass

2011-06-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

I, part by part making my protagonist's character, needlessly saying, he strikingly resembles my own personality but somehow I don't want to mold Me into the character, so I try to distort some of my own images in the character.

Occupation: Student and part time writer

Age: Mid 20s

Social status: Contradictory character; sociable yet love to stay alone. Sometimes irksome, very kind and dry honest, irresistibly charming and friendly.

Specialty: His intuition, extraordinary strong. Can drift anyone's mental map through his own powerful mental capability and crafty verbal skill.

Personality Type: Sometimes serious, sometimes funny, volatile, flexible, honest, cocky, childlike and attention grabber.

Strength: Humorous, Mental ability

Weakness: Can't say 'no' to anyone, volatile, easily influenced, sentimental and his memories. He can't forget.

Endearing trait(s): He takes everything in a positive way, very kind to people and always serves as a good mediator to unite people. In one part of the story, he unites friends to execute an intra-conflicting job.

Irksome trait(s): Arrogance, irritatingly cold when situation demands a little annoyance. His overconfidence causes irritation among his peers.

*************
Some more....

He is eloquent with the distress and wrongs of his kind. He speaks in a most persuasive way and almost makes everyone mesmerized, the calm voice is somehow tense always and a sense of pride oozes out of it. He is lean with short and thin hair with semi-dark complexion. The chiseled face with rather dreamy eyes with the expression of sadness that is usually seen in savants. He makes a marked personality in a striking contrast to its surroundings.

He has the power, the burning fire, but "I will do something" makes his soul of puissance a little muddy. Sometimes lost, most of the time contemplative, a bit 'preachy', his words are great music. He has the ability to make people laugh, a sense of sophisticated humor, deliver phrases in style.

..................

He is a like a delicately-poised bell, thrilled and vibrate by every sound that falls upon it, is his heart to all that concern him. Not a single shrill is perceived within his edge that does not find him a responsive echo.

People come and go, every relation is in real time. His emotions are not suppressed but like a big spiral, the lowest circle holds fast in love of soil and love for subtle aspects of nature; its next embracing every possible association of human sentiments, ramifications of ego and the most cruel sadness.

What's the purpose of this living? Yes, he has understood it finally; in occasional jolts, life teaches him certain subtlety, most often, a man realizes after a constant practice. Still, there is an emptiness, a queer saddening mist always shrouds the outer stratum.

***********************

Plot:

20 something young Nirvana, a conflicting student often teases by his friends and acquaintance for his intense confusing character. During the course of 5 years, he encounters many characters in his life that changes his perspective about life. His struggle, relationships and conflict between his ideal and his love for his family creates a psychological force that eat away the thoughts and actions of his near ones.

Crying Song

2011-06-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

‘The lion, when stricken to the heart, gives out his mightiest roar.
When smitten on the head, the cobra lifts its hood.
And the majesty of the soul comes forth, only when a man is wounded to his depth.”

We, as a general rule, are selfish creatures, and that causes all troubles, all pain and every possible misery. Adding insult to the injury, we think ‘we are doing’. Foo! When we are into a deep trouble, or witness death of beloved ones before our eyes, or say lost someone whom we love die hardly, we suddenly realizes the subtlety of life, and again our ignorance resist us to see anything. We put our hands before our eyes and scream; dark! Dark! This is our apparent nature!

Moreover, human stupidity goes far. We think 'I am intelligent and all are cows and sheep'. Suppose a man lives in a forest, living on his senses, how much happy he is. One who lives in midst of people, intellectually strong, find pleasures in complex mathematical problems or solving certain puzzle or say proud of himself because he is a great artist or writer or something like that. Is it really so? If you slap him, he will perhaps die of shame and anger, his nerves become finer, he can’t tolerate misery anymore, he don’t listen to all metaphysical things, for those don’t count to him. A little pain unbearable to him. Though day and night he searches for happiness, some vain attempts and at last again compromise with himself.

Whatever our apparent nature is, the true nature is always pure, and that's the thing we are running after.

The more the shades around deepen, the more I understand the vain attempts of us to reach the reality through a dream. It's a boyish enthusiasm to get the meaning out of meaningless. The experiences make me understand that a Man is the greatest of all beings. The angels were asked by Allah to bow down to Adam. Iblis did not, and therefore he became Satan. This earth is the greatest school and higher than everything. We may feel, but the Mars and Jupiter people cannot higher than we, because they can't communicate with us. The higher beings are not departed but take another body to stay in this man-body.

Momentary Lapse Of Reason

2011-05-31T02:37:00.000-07:00

He is a like a delicately-poised bell, thrilled and vibrate by every sound that falls upon it, is his heart to all that concern him. Not a single shrill is perceived within his edge that does not find him a responsive echo.

People come and go, every relation is in real time. His emotions are not suppressed but like a big spiral, the lowest circle holds fast in love of soil and love for subtle aspects of nature; its next embracing every possible association of human sentiments, ramifications of ego and the most cruel sadness.

What's the purpose of this living? Yes, he has understood it finally; in occasional jolts, life teaches him certain subtlety, most often, a man realizes after a constant practice. Still, there is an emptiness, a queer saddening mist always shrouds the outer stratum.

How can he deny the effect of Karma? Darn! No one can deny it.

Worries Aren’t Worrisome For You

2011-05-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

A queer sense of humor, and with a transparent smile, the late Amos Tversky who worked for several years in Stanford University as a psychologist and founder of behavioral economics more often amused people, saying his colleagues studied artificial intelligence and he busied himself with natural stupidity of human.

In last two decades psychology has been ramified into various branches and behavioral economics has seen an opportunity to pierce into more studying element for scholars and researcher. It is basically a field, which gives much attention on the field work largely at the intersection of economics and psychology, much stresses on systematic favoritism in people’s judgments and decision.

For example in human beings, everybody’s life changes happen with changing circumstances, a mixture of positive and negative – adaptable capacity of human beings is highest, and get it used to it very quickly and completely, even they expect it to be. Such predictions, worries often lead to faulty decisions, but behavioral economists argue people get easily adapt much more quickly as they feared they couldn’t.

Take an example of Mr. Frank (name changed) who was a well-known professor of a well-known university, agonizing himself for years whether he would become the head of the department or not. Finally, he was not chosen to be the head, as he anticipated still abjectly disconsolate – but only for a few months. He left the university and settled himself in a less known university, and by all available measures he is ‘happy’ now.

We often fear about things and in the course of time do several prediction errors. Paradoxically, our errors actually impel us to choose to take the decision(s) which are wisest in hindsight. In such cases, evolutionary biologists take an edge over cognitive psychologists for this peculiar human behavior.

Charles Darwin says the motivational patterns in human brain are copied by natural selection over millions of years. The pattern is in that way so as to brain has naturally progressed not to make us happy, but impart actions that force our DNA into the successive round. In the course of time, the brain brings about elements that in a way make us unhappy. The crisis we feel in the form of tension, hunger, lethargy, loneliness, rage and fear actually impel us to motivate to face future competitive challenges.

Pleasures we derive from our “small happiness” are actually inherently fleeting emotion, while escaping our own emotional adversities. A pleasure is like a carrot tied in front of the ass that provokes us to free ourselves from that state, but it quickly fades away.

Over millions of years of evolution and natural selection, the human brain has been adapted to inexorable competition in this world, so it is not a surprising fact that we are quickly able to discard the worry and adapt ourselves in changing circumstances. Our lives in fact, are graded on the curve! One, who is completely contented with his first achievement, quintessentially is not mustered to gather force to push himself for next achievement.

Like emotional joy, emotional pain is fleeting as well. Behavioral economists study people who have faced physical accidents, often crestfallen by the shock, largely from emotional set back, but generally bounce back quickly. Studies show people within a year or less than that, regain their moods similar to their pre-accident experience.

This implies that the physical disability what people think ‘worst’ is not so bad for people who suffer. The point is that, in any adversity it’s not wise to mope around ceaselessly, rather to adapt with the situation quickly as possible.

In a professional environment, people who work hard, income grows, but consequently the extra income also leads to extra spending and gradually raises the bar that defines ‘sufficient.’ From the society’s perspective, tension over jobs and satisfaction (which is often far cry), may unnecessarily stress one’s brain, but that doesn’t mean people stop worrying about succeeding. It is after all not in their hands!

2011-05-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Meditation is the ONLY way to reach Yourself. It is the only moment in our daily lives when we are not materialistic.

Essence Of The Day - 9

2011-05-16T05:42:00.000-07:00

More often I hear people arguing and lamenting about their incapability of staying alone. "Its too boring!" "How one can stay alone?" Man is a social being, "he needs company". And so on. Aren't we are all alone? Days and nights we only think about ourselves. Our happiness, our sadness, our family, our children, our beloved and this "Ours" and "I" seems eternal. And then we say, avoid solitude, avoid aloneness and all unadulterated crap.

Our Organic Deficiencies

2011-05-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

After a long time, I’ve once again experienced epiphany. My eyes automatically filled with tears and I got a sudden realization that in human life nothing is more significant than the word of mouth. Our internal power manifests through our words and bestows us the strength to stick to what we speak. Vow, truth, fearlessness, devotion, discipline etc. all have certain significance in our lives.

What we see around us easily gets deluded with quantity of material production; a certain number of calories, cocktails, washing machines, cars, dress and so on. Quantity of material production is a means to a further end, not an end in itself. I have understood the man who entirely engrosses in this sense world, is actually the saddest person. It actually calls ‘spiritual blindness’, one who lives in darkness and he is pleased with it. He is in bondage and he feel at home in it. Life has deeper values; it is not for fleeting enjoyment but thriving for perfection. Through a constant struggle, we can reach the levels of life’s highest expressions.

‘Do not rest content; the best is yet to be.’ We may accomplish many things such as wealth, power, certain knowledge, but at the core it’s all useless because the pleasure we derives from all those things are actually a materialization of our own ego, which quintessentially drags us away from the deeper aspect. As a matter of fact, even to have born as a human is also a great achievement, but much of the man is still animal, the passion is still there. Much primeval evolutionary slime clings to us yet.

2011-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

Love is a munificent sky of life where we break all our small needs, barricades, joys and sorrows.

Sunday Humor - 1

2011-04-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

One day Priya, the correction 'manager' of a large office observed a new man and asked him to come to her desk.

“What is your name?” was the first thing she asked the new guy.

“Shubhajit,” the new guy replied.

She scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name.

It actually makes people closer and leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only … Sharma, Rathore, Negi and so on … that’s all I am to be referred to only as Ms Kumari.

Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed, “Darling. My name is Shubhajit Darling.”

“Okay Shubhajit, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .

Making Goo-goo Eyes At Nature

2011-04-22T00:52:00.000-07:00

“It should not be denied…..that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our mind with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom, and the road has always led west. - Wallace Stegner

Mountains always bring a complete silence in the mind.

His traveling down to hills is always a haphazard affair. With a heavy backpack and lots of cigarette smoke in the lungs, it’s difficult to walk on the mountainous terrains. However, his philosophy is quite stern that you should carry as much as you can on your back at a dead run.

He stays at a small village perched at a height of 2500 meters.

Last night heavy rainstorm and intolerable cold wind have almost swept away his tent. Now, the whole day wait and wait to dry the belongings. Nevertheless, everything has a good side and he has understood yesterday that there is no greater fear than the fear of death. At night he was running, screaming but only darkness everywhere. It seemed he was searching help in midst of dead people. By God’s grace he ultimately found a room though filthy and stinky but at the moment that was nothing less than heaven. The whole night nightmares came and he woke up with excruciating tiredness and lethargy.

He is now sitting alongside a French group, trekking to Joshimath via Bedni Bugyal. He is now thinking that he perhaps comes at wrong time. The hills are still covered up with snow and venturing into a frozen jungle without much gear is nothing less than suicide. Depressed!

It is quite impossible to see the real picture of this existence. whatever we see actually behind the shadow of 'Iness' but today he has realized there are certain subtle things always working behind the gross. it's a faint imitation of his pure consciousness.

Ajaan Top…some haunted place!!

The mountain is the environment of revelation, genetically and physiologically alien, sensorily austere, and aesthetically abstract. It is always bold and suggestive, though sometimes terrible as if it shows its temperamental nature. From hills sky seems un-obstructive and clouds seems take various living forms.

Since thousands of years, prophets and hermits through rough terrain of hills have sought the therapeutic and spiritual value of retreat, to seek the TRUTH.

He is now dipping in a cold stream…

A few moments back, a shepherd woman tried to scare him by talking all weird stories of ghost and animals. He himself the Ghost of ghosts!

At last find a good place to pitch his tent.

He talked at a length with the sadhu. It seems the babaji is greatly impressed with his internal conflict and his childlike behavior.

In India those burned brinjals make an excellent cuisines named ‘Baigan ka bharta’. Maggie, some loaf of bread, chocolates and lots of water. Malnutrition?? But spirit is soaring….

Studying...

Errr… Some noise in the woods..leopard he believes…

Dry meandering river…way back to home..

Reproduce An Old Poetry

2011-04-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Ma at the age of 26

I wrote the first faint line
With a trembling hand
And with a sky like heart, spreading snow upon it
Writing about you was so simple, yet too difficult

A subtle visitor I was, arrived to the womb in flowers and honey
You wrote my name in letters of smoke with pain and smile
Soon I learnt to suck the amethyst earth of your breasts
In my oblivious mind I knew you loved me
Happiness rained over you, stroked you, drenched you
You were here. Always comforted by my side

Now, now too, all sufferings you were accustomed to hang around in me
With their naked shoulders, and twisted ankles
My savage, solitary soul sees the burning stars in forlorn nights
And I simply can’t uproot sins from the past
In my awakeness I see grief and sorrow
How dreams gone? How beauty flown? And what manner did all images disappear?

Now, now again, I am coming for my lost love
With all my musical instruments
I will bring happy flowers from purple mountains
Also a rustic basket of kisses
My innocent face and shaky heart will no more ask
I don’t need to understand, for my eyes are opened
I cruised in the deeper secret and ambushed by voice of light
“I am your hero and you are my will.”

Essence Of The Day - 8

2011-04-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

Self-absorbed power obsessed with the poison of 'I KNOW', nothing is more dangerous than this.

Essence Of The Day - 7

2011-04-07T09:46:00.000-07:00

When the mind protests, 'Oh, no, it is too much for me,' wisdom lies in saying, 'No, let me get the hard part over with!'

An illuminating Tête-à-tête

2011-04-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

"First realize that your world is only a reflection of Yourself and then stop finding fault with the reflection."

.................................

The Crow:

There seems to be something not right about this. Finding fault with oneself is a good way of removing those faults. It is not possible to remove faults outside oneself, but eminently possible to remove one's own. Having removed one's own faults, the world, itself, has fewer faults. Possibly I misunderstood this.

Surjit: No, I won't say you are wrong.There are two sides of the coin. Thanks The Crow for sharing your valuable insights.

** ** **

Unless we realize that we are actually a shadowy projection of Thee, we can't see the world a reflection. When purity comes, the inner light manifests automatically, even in the moments of ignorant this light sometimes comes, but again the matter and force work upon us. "Strait the gate, and narrow is the way" (Matthew, 7:13-14) when we look around, the most disheartening thing we see is there is no door at all. Where is God? Where is Atman? Where is bliss? It is all a filthy game of matter and force. The path is narrow and gate is invisible, and still unconsciously we tread on the path. There is no fault anywhere, even in the most brute, a wise only see a play, everything is a misty covering where our own delicate and sensitive mental plane always quivers, fleeting and changing according to the circumstances, and bound ourselves in the net of Karma. I would say it is a dream and we are all lucid dreamers rather a reflection.

Surjit:

Who dreams? Observe the dreamer... Thanks ** ** ** for sharing your great insights. God bless.

Essence Of The Day - 6

2011-04-04T06:06:00.000-07:00

The most difficult part of one’s life is to find the purpose of life. And when one ‘uncovers’ it, one automatically get rid of all other mental influences. It is like a woman loves or admires, her mind is instinctively molded by the one she loves or admires. Despite her efforts consciously she can’t get rid of that particular influence of her mind and it remains after the feeling itself has gone or appears to be gone. It is indeed a great feeling when one goes through thousands of turmoil in life, it affects, no doubt, but never erase the ideal from the mind. It sticks.

Essence Of The Day – 5

2011-04-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

There is a jellyfish in every human being – even in those who have attained a certain level of spirituality, also insist on “safety and security”, but this always drags us to some sort of attachment. In the course of spiritual struggle, there are fits of depression and grief, and they seem to have been the rule. However, strength and purity are not make-believe, no, it is a real thing. So, in certain cases, when one is fulfilling himself in Yoga, a peculiar retrogression infiltrates into the consciousness and its burst like a volcano in the form of anger. Most of the time one just drops from a height and remains in a morbid condition for a period of time. It’s normal.

Essence Of The Day - 4

2011-03-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

Ask your senior journos and tell me a few angles about the implications of Indian census on Asia Pacific region. I want to write a feature on that…

He: Do the census results affect you?

Absolutely not.

He: Then how it affects on Asia Pacific region?

(Laugh) you are right my friend.

Essence Of The Day - 3

2011-03-30T07:09:00.001-07:00

Dreamless sleep is the nearest stage when we get in touch with our Atman (spirit). It is a continuous and steady practice when one can feel meditating before retiring and awaken from sleep. A proper meditation leads to the same state one has gone throughout the sleep. Meditation is an incredible process when one partially or fully loses the outer consciousness but when the steady flow of current is cut off, he feels immense bliss or say become knowledgeable.

.....................................

The core nature of every man is same. However, due to certain reasons we see different people behave in different ways. It is utterly a foolish try to change anyone because everyone is everyone. It is our own priority to mix with people but surely we must avoid those thoughts, which conflict with our own. As the nature of water is same but we always avoid dirty water for drinking because that causes illness in us. And after all we are not equipped with water filtration apparatus that is to say we are not pure enough like Buddha that our mere one stare can change anyone. So avoidance is the best method.

Essence Of The Day - 2

2011-03-28T00:18:00.000-07:00

If we can see ourselves from the beyond of this infinite universe, what is our existence? We are infinitesimal small, smaller than a grain of sand and still we think we are all. Why this happens? Why we fear of death? Why we cling to life? Why we can't imagine our death? Suppose if we place a cup filled with water in the daylight, despite sun's colossal magnitude we see the reflection of sun exactly as it is on the water. This analogy just an example to explain that whatever we see, whatever we are, whatever we imagine (even in our weirdest imaginations), all are just reflections. All come from an unknown source. Probably this is the reason, we are immortal, this is the reason in spite of all turmoil, all atheistic waves, all disbelieves and all sadness, we are always joyous from the abysmal core of our hearts.

If you cling to something (if you don't mind if I call it God), what he does?

He eats our EGO.

Where our thoughts come from? Where's the inspiration of thoughts (that we think, WE THINK) comes from? What's the source of intuition, (which is beyond mental operation) ?

???

Essence Of The Day - 1

2011-03-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

In meditation one can experience a mini ego death, when one is naked in front of his own self. It’s a profound stillness of mind, and a deep and queer indifference comes into the mind. One cannot hold this extraordinary experience for long, but with continuous practice, and sudden experiences, one will purify his mind.

Hotch-potch

2011-03-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

Yet another bad attempt of psychedelic verse. I don’t think I am well at weaving psychedelic poetry.

I see
You are half-conscious, shot straight into the heart
Limped green and sleeping in the recollections

I discover
Caged in the poisonous fumes
Your stars, my stars and a simple constellation
One impulse and mumble little dolly
Mind like a jet craft flying in an infinite holly polly

I recall
When we both talked to each other
You say the moon is full, I say its half
Oh, then again we are on other planes

I explore
Technology at the nerve endings, and battles of the cells
Some ego boost and some bramble scramble of pseudo attitude
No wonder you lips are louder than the laugh in my heart

I feel
When the softness of my hand waved the sparrows over the hills
And your blue lines of twisted facet shot your mind with rage
Shoot the ego from point blank

Incoherent Or Coherant (Thoughts)

2011-03-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone is impulsive, some people consciously impulsive, some are unconsciously.
From a Sadhu to beggar, every single person in this world seeks shortcut. If we come with these bodies, this is inevitable.
Sadhana (practice) is the only thing. Without meditation, no bliss.
No pain, no gain. It is an inevitable truth.
The greatest of Man’s character is the fluidity.
The older I grow, the more I develop manliness.
Some juveniles feel that I am not enjoying my life as if they have realized the “exact definition of enjoyment”. May be they find it in futile attempts of long chats over phones, social networking nonsense, sensual pleasures, dreams of “rich husbands” or “beautiful wives”, cars, duplex and what not. Ha ha ha…but I wonder who will understand the wonderful radiance on my visage!?!?!
My days are numbered in this city. I never plan anything but only thing I do, is to stick to my ideal and plan automatically grows. Feeling good that ultimately I would get rid of this stark, sick, boring materialistic mud puddle.
I hate linear ways, in every form of life. I would probably commit suicide if I were the same as everybody else.
Strength comes from hardship. Hard, brutal, grit pain. When you surrender and lose ideal, you will become weak. A weak doesn’t have any place in this world, not even in hell!

Stages

2011-03-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

There are three things one has to do in one's approach to God: First think of Him. Before doing anything first think of Thee and execute the thought. Think whatever happens it's for good only because it is not 'I' doing but He, who dwells in me does. Second, create a relationship with Him. In this stage one gradually surrenders himself. And then vishwas (faith). The last one is the most difficult and is based on the other two. Where there is real faith, there is no more desire.

When faith comes, the most diabolical human characteristic also appears to us as one of His beautiful forms.

Futility Of Tiny Self

2011-03-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Our emotions we only understand, and nobody else. This is why the real happiness comes when we get rid of the selfishness. What is love after all? To understand the existence of oneness.

Tears in the summer night when songs celestial humming around me
I still remember myself as I WAS WEEPING
Oh, this bloody ignorance!
Why should I do it for myself
What I lose? What I gain?
It was all going to go so wrong
And lost the ember in your eyes
Now, now again the growth germinating inside the remote by-lanes of the heart
Oh, is it me? NO, NO, it’s someone else realizing what I would become
A flood of tears fall slowly on the rough roof naïve plane
All thing I have cared for have been different at different times
Now the luxury is just a lusty boy
My mind is busy but heart still don’t understand
The striving to learn the 'Way'
That very striving for self makes one’s error more.

A Letter In My Dream

2011-03-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Dear X

This is to let you know “I am very happy”. I am much better and growing strong. Last few years the tortures in the hand of my own Karma have been a great lessons in many ways. It has been well said that if you want to leap two steps forward, you need to put yourself four steps backward. Mother is there always with me to help me out, so I don’t have to worry much. The strength is overpowering and I feel like a clear blue sky; black clouds sometimes gather over me, but I am still the same blue sky, infinite, clear and calm.

Life of a spiritual living often seems to move towards the goal in spiral. Thus, what may seem to the person in the thick of it be regression after a period of ‘progress’, is more likely to be simply the next step in an essentially forward moving transformative process. So, it is quite normal that in the course of razor edge path, now and then a great depression comes but that actually impels us to move to the right direction, if and if we are able to uphold right discrimination and inquiry. I have found a glimpse of light and trying to get the taste of peace for a prolong time, which I know is my nature, in fact everyone’s nature. Only thing is to preserve the ideal in the back of the mind always, even in the midst of most terrible of temptation.

How are things going in your side? I have saved some money and planning to spend in recluse in mountains next month. Office is going well and whole day I am enjoying with lots of nibble here and nibble there. I hope things are humming in your side, and understanding the filthy ego that almost crumbles down everyone. As to me, I am passing through a great mental state and have understood “he whose joy is only in Himself, whose desires are only in Him, he has learnt his lessons in this life.” It is quite painful for one (subconsciously) for living without knowing “who I am”. What an impossible state of affair! When you get the foretaste of it, you will surely feel the shunya, a spiritual emptiness. You will not suppress the emotions, but through the emptiness the best of positive vibes come out of it. And the greatest thing you feel is the mind will turn vertically and you can control the senses with your own will.

It is He who is doing everything, not I. I wish your thoughts come from a great, great distance in the interior of your own heart. I never in my life doubt in my intuition and hope you will also follow the same.

Yours ever in madness,
X

Vision

2011-03-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

Crying evidently purifies one.

Face The Cannon Without A Murmur

2011-03-05T21:41:00.000-08:00

A moment of deep sadness is a significant factor in one’s life. When the heart is wrung by both hands, and all things around you are shrouded by an inexplicable dark miasma, then only the light deep inside, the darkest corridors of your heart brings forth, and you will become luminous. One day in my office the girl sits beside me asked a queer question; “Sir, why you are always smiling? I’ve observed you never get angry, and always playful and smiling..” I smiled back in answer. There is no answer to such question because I have realized, nay, see everything with a bewildered impotency.

We humans are hardwired to certain conditions; one deadly thing is we always tend to compromise with our own excuses. More often I hear the common trite – “this is his nature, it can’t be changed.” People are so afraid of loosing own in-di-vid-ual-i-ties, as if we are not individuals yet!!! As a matter of fact, when we know our nature, we lose our superficial nature, or in a sense we have become infinite flexible so as to morph into any image, and then only we are real individuals, not before. There are people who always say, “harmony with nature”! “Harmony with nature!” Those boring trees live with nature, and not us. if we see all our progress ever made in this world was made by fighting nature. There never has been an exception.

Now, a very obvious question must be raised. Isn’t it very hard not to weep for those we love, and we would be hard-hearted if we do not feel? Is it possible? No, I don’t think so, if it were possible then there would have no difference between me and a tree. Nevertheless, the sadness always brings enlightenment (sort of), it is like bodybuilding instruments by which we make ourselves strong, and by the way, don't we know all great accomplishments are hard. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. Therefore, hold the banner of freedom aloft! We do not weep because we want to, but because nature forces us. when nature says, ‘Weep!’ say “no’! “I shall not weep!” we are to resist nature at every point if we are to make any spiritual progress. Something funny happens and nature says, ‘laugh’, and we laugh. Someone we love dies, and nature says, ‘cry’ and we cry – "

Spiritual people are blissful, avoid melancholy in the life. That doesn’t mean they don’t have anything hard to face, but on the contrary, they face thousand times more struggle than any ordinary man. If we see history, this fact will be clearly testified. The first thing is of course control own mind, we are always suffering because we can’t control our minds. To give an illustration, though a crude one” - A man has trouble with his wife, he loves his wife very much, but with an astonishment she leaves him and goes with other man. Now, she is a terror! But, poor fellow, he can’t take his mind away from her, and so he suffers. This happens to everyone who don’t have any control over sensual things. The mind becomes fragile, easily attached and we self-hypnotized ourselves, saying this is the way it is. Gosh all hemlock!!!

Without any spiritual orientation, I have experienced its quite impossible to work with ease. In course of my spiritual struggle plus worldly tempests, I have reached a stage where I can clearly see like in a broad daylight that everything, even particular certain thing that makes me unhappy, is the most valuable step towards my spiritual unfoldment. A stupendous courage that quite naturally conditioned to my own spirit, whicht makes me realize that there is absolutely nothing including violence and starvation that would make me feel upset. For the temporary basis, perhaps yes, but it must be short-lived. It is not just love, but knowledge that bestows happiness in life. You can embrace the whole world with an infinitely broad shoulder. Even if you are unhappy, you are happy being unhappy.

Do Not Satisfy With Moonshine

2011-03-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

Art must be naturally letting flow through. It should not be self-imposing. For example, writing has a justification when it is a way of Self-awareness.

Human awareness is like an infinite onion peels. We are peeling off, and ultimately find there is nothingness, it is just emptiness. Then there is the end of all confusion and gradually self-surrender.

‘Nothing really matters.’ This thought is poisonous.

The mind likes to wander aimlessly. The nature of it is always restless but if it becomes fascinated by something, it will focus on this on its own accord and without strain. The emotions are satisfied and body feel relaxed. The main thing therefore is find something that keeps this mind fascinated always.

The best way is live a life in seclusion, with complete calmness and steady practice to gather self-contentment. However, it is not always possible because we are tied up with so many things, and complete renunciation is not for everyone. Therefore, make your own domain where none can intrude, none can ask questions.

I have realized that it’s just the impurity that prevents a complete calmness. Before cleaning the dirty windows of our minds, we must be very very honest to ourselves. Before becoming completely empty, nothing will come to us. The more we are attaining purity, the more we are gaining a magnetic power; from smile to every movement of ours become powerful and irresistibly charming. Then again, I have been warned that whatever power you are accumulating, don’t apply it to anyone. Power is to reach emptiness, and not to show, therefore, behave in a way that seems completely natural to others; else everything will be gone in astray because of sudden selfish needs.

Thoughts

2011-02-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

The time, the very special moment of our lives when death is face to face, it matters little or no value whether we have been happy or comfortable. All that matters is whether we have ultimately found our purpose of our lives and fulfilled it or not. Our lives have been one continues worship of one Source, the Nothingness, but unfortunately we have all frittered away time and energy in useless enjoyment and movement. Death is always near, see everywhere, but unless someone near to us dies or something else drastic happens, we forget.

The moment you turn yourself inward, you will feel how unreal this world is. Everything is pretentious. The nature is itself unreal!

I have experienced a wonderful bliss in the whole being. While watching parrots in my nearby tree suddenly imbibed a queer calmness in my mind. It is inexplicable but certainly profound. I feel I am now in a mode where I can press hard on my accelerator, no more balance approach. Nah! I am not a balanced person, I am extreme.

There is a dual consciousness in me, I feel. It is like a pregnancy of spirit. I am not alone anymore. A power, something soothing, very gentle, slowly and gradually permeate me.

I am doing all my work very efficiently, far better than many people.

Monologues Of An Ideologue

2011-02-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

• I think I have lost the poison of proving myself to anyone or everyone. I don’t have to prove or to show and thus, I just behave in a way that’s simply natural.

• Outside I am impulsive, impatient, garrulous, wayward etc. but some rare people who know me (one is my office colleague), understand me very well. I asked one day to my friend that was I disoriented. He said with a straight voice (he is very straight forward) that I was totally assembled, at least he thought so. It is not necessary that if you are calm, you have to show your coldness to people. I believe in mixing with ease, laugh, cry and when necessary give myself fully to help it out. And still inside I am serene like a clear blue sky. I’ve observed a peculiar nature of mine that when any adverse situation comes, my mind waves absolutely stopped rippling and I have become inert. I confess, sometimes I throw excessive tantrums that irritate people like hell, and I myself like a kid enjoy it immensely.

• In my vocabulary there is absolute no space for two words – helplessness and boredom. It is a tremendous error to feel helpless. There is no true friend of mine other than myself, so I never feel helpless. This is a great lesson of my life and oh, what a time it takes to learn it!

• I suddenly had a question of sex in mind totally uninvited. Nowadays, I do not much resist any thought in my mind but meditate and immerse in it. Naturally it became very intense in a short span of time, and then I meditated solely on God, and what a beautiful meditation I had! It seemed a molten current rose from the sacrum up the spinal cord and streamed out through the head in adoration.

• Sometimes I am an overexcited puppy!!!

• I have experienced romantic entanglements, no matter how well intentioned and pure, invariably degenerates into self love and create a separate entity of body and soul between two persons. It causes confusion and like a mirage that prevents us from truly loving experience.

• I have streamlined my works. Moreover, I am conscious about my diet and regular exercise. The practice of discrimination and inquiry help me a lot. Whenever any irrelevant thoughts come into my mind, I remember that what I am really interested is Self-realization and therefore, dispel them at ease.

• I believe in tradition and old age values no matter how modern my thoughts are. The cumulative experience of thousands of years is much greater than mine. No logic, no reason can give you any answer till you believe in certain scriptures.

• Nowadays a touch of a person sends a sensation throughout my body, sometimes intuitively negative, sometimes positive. I feel irritated, need to avoid.

• I have bought some very good books and age old comics (more than 36 years old). I am very happy indeed.

• I feel I always pull down whenever a thought of superiority comes in my mind.

• I can recognize many things of people from just minute observations of their feet and hands.

• I am still very lazy. Work, work!!!

The Hard Practice

2011-02-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

In our lives the most difficult part is to give up this eternal clinging to this universe. We give our last ditch effort to resist rubbing off our existence and the result always bring a load of misery. Is that mean being unattached to become purposeless? If that were its real meaning, then heartless brutes and the walls would be the best exponents of the performance of unattached work. It is very difficult to attain the stage when we have full control over our emotions as emotions are the driving force of our existence and the most difficult thing to be controlled.

Is there any work without motive? Many spiritualists misinterpreted the thing and said one is to work in such a way that neither pain nor pleasure touches his mind. If this be its real meaning, then the animals might be said to work without motive. Some animals dispose of their offspring without any pangs. Professional killers murder people; but if the morality is in the theory that working without motive is the highest then it is just antagonist to the law. If the meaning is such, then one who has a stony heart, the worst of criminals should be epitomized as a virtue of morality. Is that so?

In Hindu colossal text Gita, which is perhaps the most read sacred book in the whole world we see Lord himself ask Arjuna to work without motive. If we study the life of people connected to Gita we find them living a very different lives. Arjuna killed the most respected Bhisma and his own master Dronacharya in the battle, but withal, he sacrificed all his self interest and desires and his lower self infinite times.

The essence of Gita is Karma yoga, means work without thinking about fruits because it says we have authority over our work but not the fruits. However, I think the real meaning of this profound philosophy, which is as practical in today’s world, is the concentration. When we do any work we concentrate at different degrees. When we concentrate at the highest point, there is no consciousness of the lower ego present. The consciousness that I am doing this or that will never present when we perform certain acts with yoga. Suppose I am writing and if I am thinking about certain other aspects of my lives at the same time, my motive of writing automatically comes in my mind and I loose the essence of doing it. When I work with concentration, loosing all other consciousness and focus only on the work, the work that is done will be infinitely better, and this every one may have experienced in his own life.

If a writer, losing the consciousness of his ego, become completely engrossed in his words, produces great influential writings. The cook concentrates his whole self on the food and loses all other consciousness and come out with best of his scrumptious cuisines. But most of us only able to do certain specific work, those we like or we habituated. The Gita teaches that all works should be done thus. In everyday life whether washing utensils, tying lace, talking with people and everything, when we perform all works with equal concentration that is without any motive for the time being and does not seek any personal benefit, we bring only good to the world and those work are not chained by bondage of pleasure and pain.

It is easier said than done. But that's the spiritual practice. isn't it? Detachment!!!

2011-02-19T03:46:00.001-08:00

In this life whenever any wrong happened with me it was because my tiny self entered into the calculation. And now I have realized that the true happiness comes when we really unselfish on certain aspects of life, and when we just let it go. I am well, very well indeed.

One ideal

2011-02-17T06:06:00.000-08:00

There are principally two kinds of people in this world. The one is patient, strong nerved, quiet, not mixed well, yielding to nature, egoists, unimaginative, conservative, fearful, yet good, kind, sweet etc. To them this world is happy place because they are born happy.

There are others who are tremendous sensitive, imaginative, have intense feeling, always going high one moment and coming down the next. There is no happiness for them in this world. They always drag pains of others unto them. For them there is no happiness. They oscillate vigorously between ecstasy and misery. But of these alone what we call geniuses are made.

Now, the problem of these indecisive people is they have fight hard to finish – clear out the deck for battle. Most of them spoiling their lives in vain because there are ideas always run riot in the brain, so they have to act on one idea, clear the deck and to it dedicate the life; or be contented and “practical”; suppress the ideal, get entangled in relationships and have a happy life.

This life is not about compromising, though we put our own excuses and self-hypnotized ourselves. Ideal should be one and that's it. “He who is particular about many things get nothing”.

So, one has to choose one ideal, make it a base, work upon it and clear the deck for fight. Both lives have tremendous sufferings but it’s just a state of the mind just like what we call happiness is. Eating, drinking, dressing and society nonsense are not hot chocolates for which some people's lives must be thrown upon.

Crosscut To Elixir

2011-02-12T02:14:00.000-08:00

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Ramblings

2011-02-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

We want to see great things to be done; we all want to do something that gives us some sort of supreme satisfaction. Well, now great things are to be done – who cares for great things? Why not do small things as well?

I think I am wasting much of my time and not taking care of my body as I vowed. So, I have started running and exercising. As long as this body is concerned, do I really much care about it? My health is okay and I am well. However, nothing is ever well here. We forget them at times and that is being well and doing well….

On the surface I am an exuberant and charming boy; garrulous, funny, and ill-disciplined, but at the core I am a retired scholar. I want to immerse in books, writing, thinking and a peace loving person. I have thought well and discover I owe to none. I have given my best forces to help and be a resilient man as much as possible. The nature is innate in me and carries with unto death almost. What I have got in return? Hectoring, mischief-making and botheration and all sort of blames…

Everyone is free, have their own choices, their own works. But one must understand the truth to the core of the heart that we are all instruments in His hands and He helps us work out own Karma, through pleasure or pain.

As to me, I shall always be rolling….

Spring

2011-02-05T01:19:00.000-08:00

UNCOMFORTABLE

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I never wanted this type of emptiness in my life. Perhaps I am desiring an undesirable state that I don't deserve.

Choose My Own Ground

2011-02-01T23:38:00.000-08:00

Short and INTENSE

Linge.....................r

LONG

Long and MILD

M

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t

It Shall Come

2011-01-31T07:07:00.000-08:00

We are all running towards something abstract, though in this illusion we see us to find a definite goal but once we reach it, we again start running, and this running is never stopped. I came to this place for fulfilling some ambitions, but later on I realized that it was all vain. This place is not for me where people are involved in a rat race, where people are so materialistic so as to forget their own existence. All those struggles, pain and unbearable tribulations I received in this life may be inexplicable; but it is also my experience in life that the core of everything is good. The life is divided into layers; layers after layers when we reach the bottom of everything, there is an infinite basis of goodness and love; and so long as we do not reach that basis, we are troubled. So, it is necessary to know your existence, it is of utmost significance to pay attention to look within.

One day an old friend of mine with whom I spent so many good days called me. He asked me how to get detached! At the age of 26 he is sick of relationship, sex and all those pleasures. He was the most brilliant boy I have ever seen in my life. He was a great authority, very straightforward, incredible intellect but very indiscipline. We usually discussed a lot, seldom argued and always came to the conclusion about a subject in the end. I felt great that at this age he at least understands the significance of detachment, but I was not the right person to give him any lesson because I myself not detached from a few emotions.

I think one should have hope because it lies innately in us. I always hope, hope for good, hope for unselfishness. I struggled a lot, externally much but infinitely more internally, and there are more to come. I have understood that life is nothing, death is nothing, hunger nothing, cold nothing. If you have faith in the Lord – march on, the Lord is your General. Why we are thinking so much when nothing is in our hands? Even a leaf does not move without His command! We think about money, think about relationship, and think about many things but when it comes to think about the ultimate, we are self contented. And that causes all suffering, all pain, and all bondage.

Every day and night I passed by with tears in my eyes
Like a child cried for his mother, but all alone suffered in pain
A fire was in the brain, the heart seemed rent in twain
With burning tears I searched and lost in thoughts
I read, I called, I recalled all past misdemeanors
Years then passed in bitter cry
Each moment was like centuries passed by
Suddenly a voice called me “my son, have no fear”
I stood and look around, tried to find the voice in books and names
I searched and turned to see
Round me, before, behind
Again the voice spoke – “my son, I am near, I am near”
The voice so close, so rapturous, whole of my soul was hushed
But where it was! O joy, O bliss, where did I find!
The voice whispered, “My son I am near, I am here”.
Son closes your eyes, don’t search for me, but stay immobile.”
I closed my eyes, immersed in my own consciousness and suddenly…
Oh! “It is here, It is here.”

Questions & Answers

2011-01-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

(It takes 3 long years to find answers to a few questions of mine. The answers are like the direct revelation to me, so, these are authorities to me.)

What is Love?

In a simplest term, Love is a care. Care for our own self, which we see in another body. It is unconditioned and beyond qualities, so, we can't hold it within the narrow boundaries of sensuality, attraction of physical body, intellect and relationships. Love begins when we realize we are not just bodies.

What is knowledge?

Understanding the true nature of ourselves is knowledge. Then we will realize that nothing is outside, but every manifestation is just the shadowy projection of our own consciousness. What we are, what we see. What we see, it's already within. What we imagine, it's already exist within ourselves.

What is fear?

The conflict between our internal and external world is fear.

Why we hate?

A difficult question because in my whole life I still to experience this emotion. However, I believe we hate because we don't know our true nature.

Why we suffer?

It is principally due to our hearts have not been opened. Certainly we can't get rid of our ego, the 'I' within, but to be aware of it, aware of all our deeds, the good, bad, ugly, to be aware of our goodness, all these awareness gradually put aside the veil over our spirits.

Some More I, I

2011-01-19T23:03:00.000-08:00

Nowadays, all of a sudden, in the middle of office, or household work or even in washroom sitting on the commode I experience a sense of a feeling of great elation. It's not that I always feel in the same way all throughout. Well, sometimes my oversensitive nature overpowers all my joy and literally I am crestfallen. However, I'm feeling like I am 'the happiest man in this earth'. Why?

Well, the way people think about things, all those things, little or no value things, I have somehow overpowered all. I don't have any ambition, so I don't aspire anything. I am peaceful. I don't have any relationship, so I don't have to play an ego 'merry go round' game. I don't have any involuntary sexual appetite, so I am at peace at that particular physical aspect. So, what I desire? I am sure at one part of my existence that I am not an overman (Man is a rope, tied between beast and overman—a rope over an abyss … what is great in man is that he is a bridge and not an end." - Friedrich Nietzsche), but an ordinary man and feel happy to remain as a simple human.

Sometimes I am amazed to see myself. I am too self-centered but always two steps ahead to help out or just to make comfortable a friend or acquaintance. The fascinating part of me is the anomalies of nature and the paradox, which causes often confusion among people at large. The scintillating interplay of staunch philosophical discourse and spiritual asceticism and on the other hand, a very down-to-earth young naughty lad, who is always ready to break rules and reflects a childlike stubbornness in the character. I always give expression to my sincere feeling to my friends and acquaintance, - yet I who for instance bubble over with fun, teasing and crack jokes of all kinds to my friends over their helplessness. Certainly this dual characteristics always make people irritated and confused. So many times I am told to leave smoking but what I can do, I am helpless because I am conditioned to this habit. I am what I am.

As all of you can understand that I am an egregious egotist, yet I put my ego always on the feet of other people. I feel a tremendous anger over somebody or something, but if somebody sincerely make me understand with the language of love, I will become a slave!!!

My feet are itchy and mountains are again calling me. I do not much care about large, aggressive and impressive mountains. Rather I like the surroundings of gentle, colorful and more variety of nature that automatically bestow a lightness of spirit. I invariably carry couple of books and of course my notebook - write, think, construct as well as deconstruct certain things. These 4-5 days give me a prosaic imagination to understand the freedom of my soul, to understand my duties and to behave just according to my nature without much pretension (I am a pretentious guy after all!).

Leonine, Grand, Intuitive, Upheaving - Behind Us

2011-01-15T23:08:00.000-08:00

"Diverse courses of worship from varied springs of fulfillment have mingled in your meditation. The manifold revelation of the joy of the Infinite has given form to a shrine of unity in your life where from far and near arrive salutations to which I join my own." - Rabindranath Tagore

In our lives everyday, every moment we are experiencing a harsh battle going on inside. The outside world what we perceive – our loved ones, people, daily routing, worldly responsibilities; all are nothing but a shadowy manifestations of our own internal battles. There are so many obstacles, which are often pain bearing such as diseases, sentimental bondage, boredom, hopelessness, and above all fear. There are feelings of personalities or egoism, attachment, the will-to-live and so on. How much we want to throw it all away, we can’t.

The question generally would pop up in the mind, ‘what is object of spiritual practices, what is object of eradicate all limitations or obstructions, what is the aim?” Isn’t it better to lead a life just as it comes? Now this phrase “take life just as it comes” is very profound. If we really apply this thing in our lives, we would perhaps never suffer but unfortunately we can’t. The reason is we don’t have faith; we just see what our mental perception and the things that our senses show us. Of course, that’s not enough, there are uncountable things or phenomenon exist behind our normal senses that we can’t just comprehend with our simple mortal senses.

The greatest lesson one can learn from his pain and suffering is that, there is nothing higher than renunciation. From the deep core of our heart we must learn to leave our desires or detach with every single thing. At young age we are too impulsive, we want to do this, do that, want to 'change the world', but after a certain age we understand those things we left voluntarily or involuntarily and do not have any ambition to “do this do that”, that particular point we are peaceful, we have just renounced that desire and become peaceful.

All enjoyments are more or less connected with some kind of pains or suffering. Desire means wanting, and wanting connotes the idea of lacking in something, and lacking something means pain. There is no limit of our desires. We go on desiring, and when our desires are not fulfilled, we feel pain. These total impressions of pain bearing obstructions, which obstruct our freedom, are the causes, which will again bring effects. We can’t stop them. And this process continues from cycle to cycle, for every organism. Some work does not produce their results immediately, but they produce slowly and lately. We do not know why these results of terrible misfortune, disease and other emotional or physical turmoil come to us because the whole thing is going against us. The law of cause and effect work underneath the surface what we cannot see. Our vision is only on the surface because we can’t get rid of egoism.

This world is very flexible and calculated at the same time. All misfortune, all changes what we see around us are occurred not as a sudden whimsical action of supernatural entity, but everything is finely calculated. The natural law is working either on the physical plane or on the mental plane or on the spiritual plane.

We are all ourselves just little worlds. We study so many things outside, we see a car passing around us. We look at the sky and see thing moving. We do not see the motion, we see things go in opposite direction. We may measure the time too. That’s all. But what we would gain out of it? Nothing at all. We always keep our minds outside but never try to see the darkest corridors of our own mind. If we try to see, we will find it’s a wonderful subject, there is nothing greater than aloneness; it’s a peace all together. The study of one’s own self is better than any other study.

Anything that makes us truly happy and never produces any evil effect is good. But it is very tough to attain in this material world. Every moment things around us shatter our belief. Another thing we notice is that true happiness is unconditioned. True happiness come simultaneously with the freedom of the soul. It is not an easy thing to be obtained. One life is not enough to spend in searching after it. We should strive for thousands lives patiently, sincerely because nothing is greater than that.

What Is Faith?

2011-01-09T06:24:00.001-08:00

A few people asked me what faith was. What does it mean to me?

When we talk about faith, we understand or rely on one thing that is something divine, or precisely abstract. But the question is, are we really totally surrendered ourselves to something that is abstract. Isn’t it a blasphemy to believe or rely on something that we have never seen? There is no difference between theories and atheism.

Experience or say perception is the real knowledge. Unless we ourselves experience something we don’t really realize it. “Every step I take in the light is mine for ever”. Logic and reasons are just argument in cycle; we can’t prove anything with a perfect logical conclusion. We, at present living in this three dimensional world but this world is too small to comprehend with our narrow limitations. The most beautiful emotion we all experience is mysterious. Behind every emotion, every thought wave creates in mind, every beauty and sublimity reaches us only indirectly; is not reachable. And this is religion, and this is faith.

It is impossible to find faith outside of ourselves. Our internal world is infinitely larger than external. Our own spirits contribute to all divinity that we see outside of ourselves. Suppose if there is nothing bad in us, how can I see bad in others. If God is not within me, how can I see God outside? It is as simple as that! Whatever we see outside of us, is just the shadowy projection of our own internal world. The objectification is only a faint imitation of what we within us.

Religion is above reason, supernatural. Faith is not belief; it is the grasp on the Ultimate, an illumination. Meditation is only method, everyone can talk, even a parrot talks beautifully. Concentrate on own self, see what is I, what’s the nature, is it really unchangeable, lead a perfect holy life without sensual thoughts, without much merriment and so called fun. Don’t criticize anyone, don’t hate anyone, be compassionate to everyone and then finally, a perfect rest and peace come and no speech and talk is needed; silence will carry the truth. One can see an ordinary man but within ourselves we will carry away by a perfect silence. When the mind is in its highest state, it becomes automatically silence and one can experience what actually faith is.

Faith is a wonderful power, accumulate this power in silence and grow spiritually day by day. Normally we first perceive, and then reason later. We must have this perception as a fact, we must believe in our intuition, which is beyond all mental operations. Faith is a fact, and not abstract, moreover, reasons and logic can’t prove anything.

2011-01-05T05:43:00.000-08:00

He was 27 year-old; jolly, friendly, extrovert, ambitious and an extremely warm hearted fellow. He was my friend. We had spent a lot of time in university - smoking, drinking, girls and all formidable stuff.

He is no more with us. While writing tears pushing hard through these eyes, but what we can do? Death is unknown, death is inevitable, and death is the greatest lesson.

I pray God leave his soul in rest and gives his family members the fortitude to bear the loss.

Mother

2011-01-03T05:40:00.000-08:00

We all owe to our mothers. She nurses us, she cares and only unconditional love if we find in human being is the mother’s love. As for hurting her child, there is no power of gods or devils actually dare to face her. It is unswerving love and perfect unselfishness that conquer everything. I sometimes wonder what my mother has gained after so many years of hard struggle. How many times I have seen my mother going to take her first meal when people usually come back from work, because she had so many things to attend to. Our childhood spent minus my father, so she had to do all outside as well as household work. She screamed at me, more often because I waited for her to finish and wished to lunch together.

What she gained? If you ask an Indian mother this question, she would probably say, “my children will become bigger and good that much I am asking.” How simple and profound this sentence is!!! Is there any greater symbolizing of love in human form other than this? How unselfish a mother is? What a great love is all about? A hundredth part of it would make a man the highest of everything. This thing only testifies the truth that is, unselfish work is only bliss and that is Love.

Our mother character shows that great work demands great patience and persistent effort for a long time. Neither we trouble ourselves, nor unmotivated if we fail. In mothers we see, it is the nature of things that many should fail, that troubles should come, that terrible misery shrouds our souls, that selfishness and all others evils in the human heart should fight hard, when they are about to be driven out by the fire of one thing – unselfish love. Nothing to gain, nothing to expect, no shop keeping and no ego tussle.

In midst of all troubles, largely mental and some toughest and steepest physical problems, I have seen my mother to regained her nerves and accustomed strength; sometimes a little vexations, but that’s too normal for a woman, and too minute for a mother, and to be ignored.

I understand as long as in my life has a touch of selfishness, there will be nothing as “a good world”, “a happy mind”, and “ perfect life”, and all terms equally intelligible with “hot ice” or “dark light” or “god fearing atheist”. As long as you think about yourself, your well being, your pleasure, your sorrow, your anger and so on, all those things we actually detest, will always follow us like our shadows.

The Way And Its Power (Meditation Part-IV)

2011-01-01T06:31:00.000-08:00

That Self hidden in all beings does not shine forth; but It is seen by subtle seers through their one-pointed and subtle intellects.

Katha Upanishad

Concentration is the essence of all knowledge; every success of us, whether material or spiritual, only be achieved by one-pointed thought process. Yet, majority of people among us have wasted the thought process by frittering away the thought. In the mind, there are plenty of waves rise and down, some are stronger, some weaker. According to our own internal nature, we are conditioned to certain way of assimilating of thoughts.

In spiritual life meditation is I believe, is the only way to divest ourselves of all material conditions and feel our divine nature. And the best part of this practice is, we do not need any external help. In a deep meditation we can experience, nay realize the essence of intelligence. The breath becomes finer and slower, the mind reaches a stage of absolute calmness and the greatest gain of the practice is, we can only see good in everything.

In Western meditation approach, teachers more often teach to concentrate on some external thing. For example, some flickering candle, or some spot and so on. However, the best meditation, though the toughest one is to draw our mind towards our Self. And how this can be possible?

The centers for Meditation

There are centers in our bodies from different consciousness emerge. The heart center is greatly extolled by the seers and sages. Mind you, the heart center is not the anatomical heart but the spiritual heart. It is the place from where every goodness of ours generates. Think of a spiritual center located near the heart. In the beginning, as you think of the Lord inside the body, you may think of flesh and bones. But soon you will forget the body and there will remain only the blissful and self effulgent light within it.

The location of the heart center is neither right nor left but near the middle of the chest, where we generally feel emotions.

Swami Vivekananda wrote: “Think of a space in your heart, and think that in the midst of that space a flame is burning. Think that flame as your own soul. Inside the flame is another effulgent light, and that is the Soul of your soul, God. Meditate upon that in the heart.”.

The Center Between The Eyebrows

That’s my personal favorite center of meditation. I generally meditate upon Sun in between eyebrows and think of the pure consciousness. Stimulate that center can open up some mystical experiences.

Bhagwat Gita says, Shutting out all external objects; fixing the gaze of his eyes between his brows; equalizing the outward and inward breaths moving in his nostrils; controlling his senses, mind, and understanding; being ever bent on liberation; riding himself of desire, fear, and anger – such a man of contemplation is indeed always free.”

There is a danger of falling asleep when you close your eyes completely. So, when your eyes are closed, eyeballs must be motionless and their gaze converges toward a point between the brows.

To be Continued…

Religion Is Bliss, And Not For Long Faces

2010-12-31T05:03:00.000-08:00

In our heart there is always a conflict between our emotionalism and duty. The problem, I believe, we are all hypnotized by the morbid sentimentalism, and have become like an animal, like a baby, just letting our hearts carry away our brains, making a fool of ourselves and trying to cover our own weaknesses with the flowery names of "love" and so on.

Everyday we wake up and sleep with full of contradictions in mind, exhilarating with emotions and try to cover our own laziness and cowardice with our own excuses. The battlefield inside our minds is much bigger, much crueler than outside battlefield, and more often we give up the battle and try to hypnotize our minds into the belief that we are brave, we are strong. What is the difference between me and a cow? If I have got this body of human, the finest creation of this world, to think, to be perfect, to reach the realm of God, why should I behave like an animal. We get the blows and crestfallen, and again stand up with new energy, but again some blow comes and again repeat the cycle. What of that? Is it the blind, birdlike emotion and our own ego that leads us to perfection? When we are trying hard to attain the highest, we have to leave this baby's talk of sensual pleasures, sentimentalism and anything that belongs to our senses, but to attain the highest consciousness by a deep meditation on Self only - it can be achieved by the light of pure reason. There man stands as spirit, nor this tin pot of body.

This world is a battlefield, knowing this, stand and fight! We are like little babies, always crib, egoists, thinking only of our need, our pleasures, even in other's pleasures, we try to seek the emotional satisfaction. We have hanged photos of God and Goddesses and cry to all the gods in the world. Has misery ceased? The people in my country scream everyday to sixty million gods, and still die like dogs. Where all gods fly away? The gods only help to those who have earnest shraddha (devotion) and to see the path as clear as broad daylight. What I will achieve if I would become the most powerful man in this world? Would my misery ends? Die game....This bending the knee to superstitions of this sense world where every now and then little candies beckon the babies. We are already sold out, and still continuously selling ourselves to our own mind!

Freedom is the only goal. When we see the glimpse of light, when we stop reading books and open our own books, we will be transformed. Transformation does not mean we will suddenly become Superman. We are the same person, the world is the same, but we see it in an absolute light.

Awakened Thoughts

2010-12-29T07:43:00.000-08:00

Perfection is infinite and we are all intentionally or unintentionally striving towards that infinite.

We need to be aware about our nature and be what we are.

Intuition is our first teacher. It always stands veiled behind our mental operations. Some people are born intuitive and some have developed. It is sort of brilliant messages from the Unknown and beyond reasons and logic. Reason only comes afterward to calculate the profit it can gain. The purer the heart, the more intuitive we have become. I think intuition is nothing but our consciousness.

There is a good and bad, more or less resides in everyone. Don’t curse the bad but consider that diabolical man inside as a wound. We have to nurse it and get it better; it is not a matter of one day but might consume the whole life to heal a simple wound. Perseverance is the key.

Long before I understood that aloneness was only bliss. Today I have realized that one who lives alone in his mind is always blissful. Mark you, there is an ocean of difference between alone and lonely. Loneliness is sin, an unbearable pain but aloneness is talking to your soul. Always.

There is no past no future. It’s all present that exists. Even to think about the past and present we have to make it the present.

When we become truly unselfish, we will get detached.

Mere book reading makes a man a parrot. It helps no doubt about it, but practice and walking on the tightrope can only make us suffer. And when you love your sufferings, what else left!?!?

What is in this world we all organisms running after? It’s freedom.

It is impossible of having pleasure without pain. So, if you are enjoying the moment, always remember there is equal and opposite pain is waiting for you and vice versa.

The nature of our sufferings is a failure to recognize the shocks of existence and continuous shrinking and contracting because of incapability to transcendence the self-limitation by our egoism.

Peace

2010-12-26T23:24:00.000-08:00

I am in a great mood after a long time, I feel the same impulse what I gained almost two years back in Summers when everything was coordinated and life current slowly took its own ebb and flow. I am inspired no doubt about that, but inspiration is necessary, what I believe is craziness about something is of utmost importance. Leave all other ideas and hotchpotch from the mind and see the path clear as broad daylight.

Life, is as its own nature is contradiction. Apparently the spiritualist realm of every organism is separate from its materialistic nature. Though both are moving forward towards an infinite progress and evolution through a path of higher perspective, and all human limitations are illusions. Moreover, this contradiction of nature has its own utility in our own lives. These are the complementary forces that in reality make our progress forward.

We may not think of subtle things, or we aren't always capable enough to analysis the WHY behind our sadness, misery or shortcomings, but we all somewhere down the line bump off this impenetrable wall, trying to analyze with our limited capacity and at the end again flow with the current of life. The mutable existence of us gives us a picture that in reality an inexorable perspective of life, more often deter or deflate us because we constantly fighting with nature's indomitable way of progress. We are all in evolution and the person of higher consciousness passes through the difficulties and pain of life that nature moves forward on her way towards progress and evolution. However, the man on the higher plane is practical in true sense and not deflate permanently by the negatives he experiences in life, as he realizes that life progresses through things seems contradictory on the surface, but in reality it is just unfolding the true spirit in him and gives a higher possibility to recognize himself.

When we deeply meditate on ourselves and follow the path of purity, the sense oriented aspect of mind, which always dwell on the pleasures of life detach from it and see the beyond of rational thoughts. This is called what ancient scriptures say the mind of vision and intuition - in this plane we can overcome the common limitations of human mind that desires to be acknowledged, materialistic allurement, anger, jealousy, and develop a vision when mind automatically bringing harmony in things that appears opposition, contradictory in nature, but we perceive them as true compliments. The movement of inner ebb and flow actually calm down and see the higher consciousness in the depth, shedding our own divided nature. This is the nature of goal.

2010-12-22T03:41:00.000-08:00

This quest of Self-discovery is sometimes very painful. I realizes so many flaws, so many loopholes. This mortal life is too short to improve on those.

Let's the music play!

Turn Off

2010-12-21T09:37:00.000-08:00

Many people wonder, and some close ones even asked me what I have achieved through leading a life like this. In the course of all my unbearable tribulations, implausible sufferings, and all alone spiritual struggles, I have achieved NOTHING.

Why I am always laughing and crack jokes, mixing with all types of people, am friendly and always take the position of a giver? I tell you, I’ve achieved one thing; price a little or no value, but to me it’s an achievement. I have found a button in my brain, which I turn on and turn off whenever I want, and with turning off I am just simply aloof from the world. Bear in mind – the eyes are two in number and so the ears, but the mouth is but one. Indifference, indifference, indifference!

I need not even mix with the humdrum people, nor beg of them either. I use agreeable and wholesome language towards even the greatest enemy. And what I desire? I give a damn about my ambition (as if I have any!!!). I care the least about people who praise and blame because I apply all my thoughts to the service of the Lord who supply active impulse of manliness, which help through a childlike love has brought in me and throw a person out of his/her position whenever requires.

Therefore, let the duffers whose “intellect” is shaped in ignorance and who look on the non-Self as all in all, play out their childish pranks. I always find the dullards will of themselves leave the field when they find it too hot. Let them spit upon the moon – it will but recoil upon them.

I just turn off.

Virulent Strain Of The Human Condition

2010-12-15T04:45:00.000-08:00

More often we plan for our future, the present circumstances give us the signs and hopes to think and analyze about our future life. How to lead a life - either simple or complicated? How to gain peace in our lives? How to make ourselves strong enough to resist all physical and emotional blows? What our duties? Should we live single or live with someone? And how important is relationships in our lives?

Here I must mention, though I am not inclined towards relationships but I never ignore them. Relationships hold a significant quotient in our lives, no doubt about that. However, it is absolutely wrong perception that human happiness principally comes from human relationships. It is not like that. Often and often whatever the major emotional blows we receive from life, are because of relationships. We just need to shift a little bit our perspective and see the things in a different light. We just have the courage to throw our habitual lifestyle and do not seek anyone else to bring us the light. The light what I, you and everyone waiting for, is actually waiting out there for us, and all we have to do is reach for it!

To see the glimpse of light we must first firmly set an ideal in our minds. Here again what I have realized that every mind is different so do the ideals. The practice to achieve or make a path for our ideal is different for different people. If we take another man's ideal, suppose an ideal of a saint, then the surer we will one day stop at a point. The ideal one great person led, might not be the same for me, or otherwise need to find a new path. There are unlimited paths to reach the same goal but all men and women in the society do not have same capacity or power to accomplish the same task. It is not correct that I should or you should judge by the standard of yours or mine.

When I look around, I see, people are sad because of reasons, which are created by them only. We are all like that. We live in an unhealthy way, rather sickly, live within unhappy circumstances and still to take any step to improve our ways because we are just conditioned to a life of security, sentimental bonding, conformity and above all conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind. But the reality (its my personal opinion) is, there is nothing dangerous than limiting own immense potential to one narrow boundary. It's our experiences in our lives that give us a new meaning, new energy.

I sometimes ponder about my future, more often when people talk about theirs. It's my profound misery that I can't adopt a helter-skelter style of life. It's an immense pain that I have a strong intellect, and it's my thorough failure that I have developed an analytical mind, which can nothing to do with philosophy and spiritual unfoldment. However, I have seen people with immense height of potential with a simple life and great spiritual energy that makes them to a towering position. All these burning examples only produce a friction in the core of my heart, as it were, to spark the fire within and ignite the strong will power. Only thing I want to say is " I don't have expectations, but I have hope."

Ramblings

2010-12-13T05:53:00.000-08:00

People can talk and talk, same like a parrot but more often they leak accidentally because maintaining a fake attitude throughout is indeed a tough task, so the mask drops and originality shows in full glow. Never judge a person, and if, then judge a person by his small works - his/her attitude towards works, his/her humbleness, his/her behavior towards elder and younger, his/her obedience, his/her learning enthusiasm and many other smaller things, often we neglect as trivial. Never judge a person by his or her material success. Any fool can go to the peak; there are plenty of examples around us...

And after all what's the goal of our lives? To get material success!!! What the richest person of this world has achieved? Has he achieved God? If no, then everything is nonsense...

2010-12-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

Realization can't be realized, it just happens!

How Much We See Good In Everything?

2010-12-11T01:44:00.000-08:00

Whatever we see around us, all development, all good and wickedness in us, every tiny molecule, is the manifestation of thought. That's why wise people say "take care of your thoughts. What we think we become." Here is a little parable, which is extraordinarily simple yet profound.

Once in a village, lived a holy man, he called himself Sannyasin as he renounced all ties from the world. Every morning he sat under a tree and gave lectures to people. His lifestyle was very simple, drank milk and ate fruits and involved in endless Yogic practices and considered himself very pure and holy. In the same village lived a prostitute who earned her livelihood by selling her flesh. There was a queer habit of this holy man who everyday went to the woman and warned her that her wickedness would lead her to hell. The poor woman was unable to change her lifestyle because that was her only means of surviving. She was scared of prediction of Sannyasin and wept profusely and prayed to God. She everyday begged to God to forgive her for her sins, on the other hand Sannyasin in the same way sat under the tree and warned people for their wickedness and engaged in 'Pranayama', 'Yoga' etc.

In the meanwhile both the man and evil woman died. The angels came and bore the woman to heaven, while demons claimed the soul of Sannyasin. "Why is this!" he exclaimed," I lived in austerity, practiced most hard methods and lived on milk and fruits, never saw woman in lust and preached endless holy things to people. Why should I be taken to hell while this evil woman gets the door of heaven?"

"Because," answered the demons, "while she was forced to do evil acts, her only survival was to do those things, but still she knew she did wrong and fixed her mind on Lord and asked forgiveness every night. But you, on the contrary, thought yourself as a pure soul and performed only holy acts, you did all those things and took pride of it, had your mind fixed on the faults and wickedness of others. You saw only sin, and thought only of sin, though your motive was not wrong all together but we can't help it because it's a law. So now you have to go to that place where only sin is."

The moral of the story is: the outer life avails little. The heart must be pure and sees only good everywhere. The more we allow sins and bad in our core, the more we have become like that. Just wash away all sins of others from the surfaces and protect the heart from all filth. Let us ask forgiveness for ourselves to God and with every sincere prayer we purify ourselves and the result must be that in so doing we will help others.

Mind Can't Come Down To This Body

2010-12-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't write all these things here but still I am feeling to write...

I am 29 years old, once a handsome (still I am) boy, now suffering from so many diseases. Let me admit that I can't take care of myself, so I just let it go...

High blood pressure.
High temper. (Now to a great extent it is controlled)
Extreme mood swings
Hair fall
Some defects in eyes
Liver problems
Sometimes suffers from extreme emotional feats, almost in a stage where I don't know anything
Accident prone (so many times I just escaped from death, just yesterday got hurt badly in knees)
Sleep disorder
Anorexia ( I don't know whether I am anorexic or not but eating is something that I don't relish)
Blankness (It happens when I'm simply lost, people ask what I am thinking too intensely but in reality I don't think at all..I call it a disease where my mind mute)

Note: I don't have any attention disorder and work absolutely fine (more than that) in office, home everywhere. Presently I am working on the physical aspect of my health and try to improve it a bit.

Self Surrender

2010-12-10T07:27:00.000-08:00

(I wrote it before but not exclusively, but once again I publish here because now I am in a great mood, never before. The child is grown up!!!)

I am not an angel, nor demon
I am not the seeker, nor prophet
I am not a body, neither he nor she
I am the known yet unknown; I am He

The mountains crumble down, moon and sun obliterate
Before my nature the universe stops in wonder mute
I born before my birth and end without any end
I am as I was, I am and I will be…

I am not a dream but a viewer of ephemeral dreams
I am not the unexplained but a truth stranger than a delusion
Have no fear, the answer is in me
Know once for all that I am He

Happiness In Unhappiness!

2010-12-09T23:24:00.000-08:00

I light an incense and pray to God.

"God please don't show me the doors of pleasure as this fleeting glimpse of children's prattles always take me away from you. Show me the darkness where I'm continuously striving for the light, the divine light before every minute transient thrill is just moonshine.

God please clear the limitations and clear the clouds. May the love eternal, undying, which the non-discriminating have for the ephemeral materials of senses never leave this heart of mine - of me who seek after Thee! Give me strength, give me power that's never felt, give me pain insurmountable. The faith has been always the sweetest note in my jarring and clashing life. Whatever the little good Karma I have, I want to force myself without oppressive surroundings. I ask you to fill my heart with love so that I bring at least a little joy and peace even for a day into the heart of one person, that much I'm asking, that much alone is true. If there is a little truth in myself then snatch this identity of mine from me, just makes me suffer, incredible suffering all my life; what else?"

I close my eyes and immerse in a world where nothing is MATERIAL.

Whatever Happens, Only For Good

2010-12-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

Walking indefatigably, stumbling on with the waves of time
Still rolling on I go
From fleeting landscapes of revolting ego
In the ripples of hatred, love, like, dislike
I am sick, but steps I must cover to reach the beyond
Days after days, life after life, I am walking
Eyes are tired, legs are twinge
But heart is filled with hope, to catch one ray long sought
Ever running, never reaching, struggling, crying, laughing mob
No one knows why
The voice inside says, stop not
Sometimes to and fro from wave to wave
Good to bad, bad to good
And all nonsense
Grief comes, joy goes, life comes, death goes
Another start with an end, another round of this old wheel
For what?

Children dream, young aspires, old laments
In this floating bubble, armed with tiny dot of filthy flesh and bones
And at the end life becomes a mass of rust
Yet again start walking, never ending in this hollow form, hollow death and birth
When pleasure strong, frustrations become stronger
The road – the painful, the drear
The voice inside says, my son you will come to my bosom
But before you must travel, get stronger
In the mazes of fault and passion, ego and hatred
The dark nectar that you think sweet, first taste the brew
And be mad in intoxication

Walking indefatigably, stumbling on with the waves of time
Still rolling on I go………

Some Findings

2010-12-06T03:54:00.000-08:00

If you want something from the core, you will definitely get it, but if you renounce that thing from your heart, it will chase you by itself.

The temptation is great

Renunciation is the highest

Indifference! Indifference! The only master key...

"There are times when you get what you want but not what you need"

The DESIRE is the biggest hindrance

and

The biggest desire of all desires is the get rid of all desires

All desires cause by the ripples in our mind, when the mind is still and fully concentrated, we do not mix ourselves but remain in our selves. It is a proven fact that whenever we don't have control or restraint, we become weak.

We see the man who has control over desires or say pleasures, small or big, has created 'halo' around him. He may have hundreds of sins but that only one quality of 'Restraint' attracts people in spite of himself.

There are times when we concentrate and our mind modification vibrates in certain condition. Suppose a man only think of money, a time will come when in waking up he sees money, going to sleep he sees money and even in sleep he sees money. We all experience when we attract to someone we can't control our mind modification but remain attach to that face. One who can detach or attach whenever he wants, is actually never identified with the ripples but always remain separate with those and become a witness.

Those who are extremely focused on work often find difficult to detach from the work they do. But some people do not find difficult to attach and whenever require easily detach. Suppose I am writing and fully concentrate on each word without thinking of anything else, my mind is naturally very finer in that state and all other vibrations in neighborhood just come and pass. However, in most cases these "concentrated people" are so engaged in the particular work so as to find difficult to detach from the work. The success is when we can easily focused and in the next moment detach.

Letter From A Son To Mother

2010-12-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Mother,

Last time I wrote to you if I remember, almost three years back. It is a matter of deep sadness that in spite of my earnest wishes, I do not find any signs to leave the place and go to you and stay rest of my life washing my sins with my blood and tears. Many feel but a few can express. It is the power of expressing one’s love and appreciation and sympathy for others that makes a person to reach one’s heart more easily, but I think my expressive face doesn’t really show the feeling what I really have. It is my profound misery that after two years of intense struggle still I am nowhere to light, though God put me in tests now and then.

I am presently working fine but I feel that I have been working as if under an overwhelming impulse and despite the knowledge and patience I have attained through my tribulations, I am still a baby. I will not try to describe the plans of mine to you. Suffice it to say, I’m seeing everything is coming to me in loads and tons. I’ve never felt angry on others as I am too strong to take all blames on my feeble shoulders. To me, cringing, toadying, droning, degrading inertia, and hell are one and the same thing. Don’t be despair that your wayward lad has become lonely or thinking too much, not at all. I tell you a secret – the way to reach the path is best to attain hopelessness. This hopelessness, desire less, aimlessness is just the harmony with nature. In nature also there is no harmony, no reasons, no equanimity; anything can happen anytime so as with us – we have no sequence, it was chaos before, it is so still and we have nothing in our hands. We learn to grow but the moment we try to learn; this incredible mystic illusion shrouds us all. You may find it more philosophical, Leave it for now..

We have started a news portal and with baby steps we are gradually climbing. Nothing to worry, a sincere attempt will never go in vain but working so hard always put pressure on my body. I am playing badminton at night and morning a bit exercise; also take care of diet as much as possible, but the most tedious task of all is eating!!!

I am not traveling to places for sometimes now because I don’t have any leave left in office So, this place is becoming day by day very unattractive. The first day’s touch of winter brought some weakness in my body but now I am alright. It is very cold here at night. I am very glad to learn that Dada (brother) is leaving his “lore” and think of changing. Tell him not to speak a lie for any motive in office and if he does, he must not expect help from me. My instincts may be feminine, but I am exercised with just this moment is, that he must get a little bit of manliness about himself. I experience this life is very brutal; we can’t help it. So, any weakness and namby pamby sweet sentiments do not work here, forgive my precociousness, but this is truth, true as broad daylight.

How is baba (Father)? Is he drawing and making paper crafts? I am worthless fellow; I must learn all those arts during puja holidays. Please convey to him my countless salutations, and ask him to bless me that I may have unflinching perseverance.

Your Lovingly,

Betrays A Jaundiced Eye

2010-11-30T03:43:00.000-08:00

Like an yolk

Floating as the mass of ideas of white albumen

Attached with fine threads of membranes of emotion, commotion, explosion, transformation....

Passing through the mazes of warp and woof of life

And the eyes are nothing but YELLOW

(Am I hungry?)

Power Of Concentration (Why Meditation Part-III)

2010-11-27T22:02:00.000-08:00

We all know the power of concentration. When our mind is fully focused on a particular subject, the subject reveals its secret to us. A chemist in his laboratory mixes chemicals with his fully concentrated mind and as a result, chemicals reveal secret to him. An astronomer with his telescope concentrate on stars and moons, and all roll down before his eyes and reveal its secrets. I am writing, you are reading, the more I concentrate on my thoughts, the more powerful my words would be. The more you concentrate on my words, the internal thought process by which I am writing all these reveal to you. It is a beautiful phenomenon. As we see all our success or say smoothness in life is determined by our concentration power.

Now, before concentration there is a preliminary step of gathering energy or force. Our mind is always running external and senses are much stronger than our will force. We are easily getting distracted by pleasing object, sensual subjects and alluring thoughts. In other way, we are all bond slaves. At present the mind is working under the control of impressions that we receive through the senses, and we have no power to control them. So, we need to accumulate all our forces and gather it on one focus.

We all know how hard to focus mind on one single point. You sit down; close your eyes and focus, and you will find the mind runs away, slip out, and does not obey the commands. Mind by nature is restless and govern by impressions created on it. Now what are impressions? When we think something, it creates an impression on mind matter and sum total of all our impressions govern us. Even in our deep sleep mind is active and work by impressions that may lost in unconscious plane but recall in the form of dreams. The more restless a mind, the more dreams we see.

In India there is an excellent analogy of restlessness of mind described by a great poet. You know monkey is naturally restless but the poet found that the natural restlessness of the monkey is not enough to describe the restlessness of the mind. So he said that the monkey was drunk freely of wine, and he was a drunken monkey. And that was not enough that he was a drunken monkey, but he was afterward stung by a scorpion. Now you can imagine the state of that poor monkey! Even that is not the climax. So he added to it that afterward the monkey was possessed by a ghost. That is the condition of our mind. Our mind, which is naturally restless, drinks the wine of self-pride and vanity. So, it is very restless and cannot sit still. It shakes its head and goes about. Then it is stung by the scorpion of jealousy and envy. And then the demon of egoism comes down and sits on the chest of the person. By Jove! Now this is indeed a heavy task to control the monkey mind.

A Few Steps To Control The Mind

1. Sit still and let the mind run on. But always keep a watch on it. This is mind watching mind. That experience of watchful waiting is very good here. Keep a watch where it goes. The monkey mind turns back to see whether it is watched or not, and if it finds somebody watching, it does not go very far, but comes back. That is its peculiar character.

2. Restrain sexual thoughts in the mind. It is the most toughest and powerful battle going on in the mind. Sexual energy is the most powerful energy in human body and when a sum total of energy is channelized through a higher channel, a wonderful power comes to you directly. In ancient Sanskrit word the energy what I am talking about is called ‘Ojas’. Now the Ojas is stored in the brain, the more Ojas in man’s head, the more powerful, the more intellectual, and the more spiritually strong he becomes. One man may speak beautiful language and lofty words, but they do not impress people; another man, may be not beautiful looking, say in a rather normal tone and speaks neither beautiful language nor beautiful thoughts, yet his words charm. Every movement of his is powerful. Chastity is always considered as a highest virtue. A man feels that if he is unchaste, spirituality flies away, loses all mental vigor and moral stamina. Now, we all experience that when we are in highest spiritual or love mode, no sexual thoughts come into our mind. This energy is very much important in practicing concentration.

3. Never ever practice concentration in an agitated mind. First, be pure in thoughts, take a bath, think of the ideal you are striving for, clear the obstructions of hatred, complicacy, sadness etc. and then only sit in a lotus position.

4. When you begin to concentrate, even a single note of sound will seem like a thunderbolt going through the brain. As the organs get finer, the perceptions get finer. Give up all argumentation and intellectual jargon. It only throws the mind off its balance and disturbs it. Things have to be realized. Read only those books, which says other than sensual pleasures.

5. I learnt it from my father and I want to share it with you. I see whenever he did anything, he took up a single thing and saw the end of it. And this is the way enjoyment of the work comes. In a higher plane, who is mad with one idea, he alone sees the light. Those that only take a nibble here and a nibble there will never attain anything. Everything is good, so take up one ideal and stick to it until you die.

6. Avoid the company of people who are sensual talkers. Avoid all children’s prattle. A good humor and enjoyment is poles apart from cheap conversation.

7. Use minimum of electronic devices. We, at present can’t avoid certain things because we are conditioned to it. However, we can minimize it. For example cell phone, social networking sites, etc. Be focused what you were, what you are and what you will be.

2010-11-26T20:59:00.000-08:00

He is eloquent with the distress and wrongs of his kind. He speaks in a most persuasive way and almost makes everyone mesmerized, the calm voice is somehow tense always and a sense of pride oozes out of it. He is lean with short and thin hair with semi-dark complexion. The chiseled face with rather dreamy eyes with the expression of sadness that is usually seen in savants. He makes a marked personality in a striking contrast to its surroundings.

He has the power, the burning fire, but "I will do something" makes his soul of puissance a little muddy. Sometimes lost, most of the time contemplative, a bit 'preachy', his words are great music. He has the ability to make people laugh, a sense of sophisticated humor, deliver phrases in style.

(I am planning to start writing something...this is just a little intro of my protagonist)

Mull Over Again And Again

2010-11-25T23:53:00.000-08:00

Most often we are oblivious to the fact that our ego may hurt someone else, and forget that in the long run it will come back to us in compound interest. We all have so many pores but funnily always trying to find pores in others. Isn't it unusual that we always find faults first when we see a person? Though in a strict sense, if fault is there, it means there must be good also, else how could be only one aspect survived?

A fly sees garbage and sit on it and as a result gain only stink. A bee on the other hand cleverly finds flowers and honey, and gain fragrance.

Personally, I am in a great mood because I am seeing everything good nowadays. Am I about to gain a little fragrance at last? I have fought the war for so long (still battles going on, some lost, some won) and now reaching...

Disoriented Ramblings

2010-11-22T04:10:00.000-08:00

I am at heart an esoteric. My intellect and all reasons are just apparent, a dry cover. Alas! How many times I desperately wanted to throw all my intellect in the Pacific Ocean. I am really altogether depended on my intuition and always lookout for signs and things - so I never bother about the fate of my work. Of course it has its bad side. I did great blunders sometimes - but you know it has one good advantage. It has kept me still free through out, and attach to everyone in a most abysmal detachment.

The thirst for fame and recognition, the most worst of all filth. Shrug..shrug..

Everyone can make friends everywhere without knowing their knowledge, lifestyle, behavior etc. We have just to know the manner of ours, how easily we can detach. It's very easy indeed. Just see the lotus.

Dreams are always pleasant. However, at the worst point it breaks and we wake. Life is nothing but a dream and death breaks it. Live life. Love death!

I think I fall in love. With whom?...I fall for what they call life.

I can talk on the same subject again and again but every time with a different interpretation.

I do not believe in punishment and instil fear and caution. If I were a father, I would have never done anything to make my son/daughter afraid.

No one can see himself. We only reflect.

If you have the fire, it is for sure wherever you goes it will catch others without utterance of a single word.

We must develop from inside out and truth to truth. We must be brave enough to take the blame for our misery, sufferings and pain. It's a cowardice act to point finger to him, her or them and weep. Never blame anyone because what they are conducting, they are, at this time, doing the best they can. If a child plays with a knife, don't try to snatch from it, but give a toy instead, and it will hand over the threatening knife to you automatically. This is the way every small or big worldly battle must be won.

Selfishness and egotism have always come to my bedside; I have been enough of it - people's opinion; let all realize what I am. I am sure, it will take quite a long time to understand that.

Rewind

2010-11-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

There is something inside my room. From many days I had been observing some subtle, very fine force working in the room. Today, a friend of mine told me a queer thing; he asked me if I saw dreams in this room. When he heard an affirmative reply, he further asked me whether I saw dreams in my previous room two years back where I used to live, and asked about the difference. At last he said he was feeling some strange sensation in this room.

There are many things that we can’t experience by our senses. From my childhood, sometimes I came in contact with a particular object, man or place, it would sometimes appear to me as if I had been acquainted with it beforehand. When I was a child, my mother and neighbors called me ‘Bhola’ (another name of Shiva), from childhood I have been a dare-devil. Behind our house there was a small forest; most of the time when my mother went for afternoon nap, I went there and worship at a small altar made by me and mostly immersed in soliloquy, I played different games alone for long and experienced many different things. Even now, after 23-24 years I recall almost all incidents.

We both brothers spent our childhood and boyhood without our father because he was in military and had a transferable job. A few times I saw clearly that my father was walking from one room to the balcony, though he was then living almost 1000 miles away. Sometimes, I felt it was my hallucination of mind but I always being proud of a strong and fearless mind, so it was difficult for me to admit some hallucination of mind.

I was very naughty at times and a rebel. More often my mother beat me hard and I had gone silently to the corner of a room or hid under the bed and cried and saying, “Shiva! Shiva!”. And then I was all right, always. Even now when I feel depressed or gloomy, that word keeps me straight.

When I was a boy, in school I always fought with friends and foe. I remember I had fights with schoolfellows for my “dictatorship” and sometimes for some trivial things like comics etc. I remember once I had a fight with one of my schoolfellows, and he being the stronger boy won the fight. I cursed him from my heart; I thought that boy was the wicked boy ever born, and that as soon as I grew strong enough I would kick him. I dreamt of most dreadful punishment for him. We have both grown up now, and we are now friends and keep in touch with each other. Now I’ve learnt the most valuable lesson of life; this world is full of babies like us to whom eating and drinking and trivial things hold most importance. They can kick and detest each other for all these little cakes and for them these are everything. They will dream of these cakes, and their idea of future life is where these cakes will be plentiful. To achieve the dream they come face to face with reality and in return misery all they get.

Drama Of Light And Shadow

2010-11-17T07:15:00.000-08:00

History is like a sword, cut the heart in one stroke
In the dark room where winter awaiting
Outside, a bleeding heart drips like rain drops
A hidden box inside in which some dead fetuses
With wind passes, goblet of ashes falls gently...
A candle flickering in the heart of heart
And with a single focus, mind has gone silent
Until again the history…
Take the root in the afternoon thunder
Until from the soft touch of crisscross hands
Through an ending voyage of trust and character
Interminably done away with, done to death.

Naked Came I, Naked Shall I Return

2010-11-13T11:01:00.000-08:00

Who am I? What I am? Where is the answer? How do I get it?

I got rid of much of my false ego. Now a little or no ripples create in my mind by ongoing life's metaphors. I see everything as a play, I laugh, I enjoy and see things in a different light. I remember how I mourned for so long. I mourned for family, parents, friends, my poverty, my treachery, my hypocrisy, my worldly struggle, but at last I think I am blessed, I am comforted. And why?

Because it was during these moments of immense pain when my brain stopped functioning, my eyes swelled and there was no tear left. I screamed, spent sleepless nights with my pillow soaked in my tears. Now, I've realized that during these moments of visitations when the heart is wrung by hands, when we put under the load of sadness, depression, and hopelessness, the world seems to be nothing but an impenetrable miasma of misery and utter pain - that the internal eyes open, light flashes all of a sudden, the dream vanishes, and intuitively we come face to face with the grandest mystery of nature - Existence.

In this life there is nothing hard than life itself that hit everyone. The paradox of life is when blows hit, the strength comes. Life is enjoyed by heroes and this is an unfailing truth. When fear is gone, when misery is just a rebel child and when false ego is nothing but a distant echo, then only shackles that bind us to this pain and despair crack, as it were, for a time, and free like a pebble sinking and sinking settled on the bed of ocean where there is no hurly-burly and everything is infinite peace, calmness and infinite bliss. Where unhappiness is just a reflection of happiness, when tears change into pearls and when you cry but silence is so loud so as to make everything empty.

Now, let me tell you - still there is a God, no joke. Our not to question why, ours but to do and die.

Fear And Fun

2010-11-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

Why we fear? Fear comes from uncertainty. When we are uncertain about something, this peculiar feeling what we call fear clutches our soul’s throat with its bare hands. When we are uncertain about what will we do after our job goes, we fear of loosing job. When we are uncertain about our relationships, we fear of loosing our loved ones. When we are uncertain about our love, we fear of giving commitments. And the greatest and grandest when we are uncertain about ‘life after death’, we fear of being died.

Life is such a fun! I am enjoying it entirely.

I have experienced if we by heart follow three things, no doubt wraps our mind.

Conviction of the powers of goodness
Absence of jealousy and suspicion
Helping all who are trying to be and do good

Peace Is Not A Distant Echo

2010-11-09T18:36:00.000-08:00

Often and often, we see that the best of ourselves that resides deep inside are troubled and visited with tribulations in this world. We must down with the thought why this happened to me? Or what is for me even I suffered so much for so many things? It may be inexplicable; but through some insignificant experiences I got to know that the core is always good, that whatever may be the surface waves, deep down and underlying everything, there is an infinite basis of goodness and love; and so long as we do not reach that basis, we are troubled; but having once reached that zone of calmness, lets winds howl and tempests rage. What’s the difference?

For people who dwell on the surface, always get frustrated with a little pin drops and steps. “Neptune’s water” would be perfectly useless to wash off the stains of fear from the soul. I understand patience is the greatest virtue, let people howl and bark, I have to go through the path, good or bad that’s another aspect. We always need to be patient under criticism and never answer back to dogs. It is a well-known psychological fact that those are ever ready to abuse others cannot bear the slightest touch of criticism from others. Then again, what do I owe them?

I am in a good form, better than before, but need to be calm. There is enough time in hand and step by step all works need to be completed. The impetuous river with rolling waves, which bids fair to sweep away while hills and mountains – with a bit of blessing and good motive sufficient to turn it back to the Himalayas!