Confusion and Conditioned Mind

More often people call me confused, and I admit it’s somehow a brutal truth. Even, I take such a long time to take a trivial decision. It irritates me, sometimes confuses me more, but I once again let it go. Majority of people are suffering from this disease, which they easily ignore. However, run deep there are always conflicts of envy, with its pleasure and pain, inevitably breeds confusion, both outwardly and within.

Another thing that breeds confusion is the fear. We fear of loosing things, we always think future, thinking of shore, but in the meantime we ignore the journey on the river. It’s everyday living, the miraculous effect everywhere if we see around with open eyes. But we lose the beauty and subtlety because of ugliness; pain and violence of our futuristic lose. Aren’t we dying young when we die? We (try) grasping our lives within our tight grips and we fail. We will indeed die young.

We see the shore, beautiful and secure but without understanding this life, how we can understand what is on the other shore. All talks about soul, pure enlightenment, peace etc. are just mere a child’s dream. A myth, an illusion, an ideal invented by a frightened mind in search of conformity.

In my experience I’ve realized, realization won’t happen gradually. Clouds of confusion can’t be erased slowly or gradually. If one part of mind is confused, other parts can’t be free. It’s a one room flat, either you live in it or leaves it.

Confusion in our minds let us to eternal desire that we will find happiness. In every vain attempt to find comfort chains us one more sorrow. Finding truth is not comfortable, in fact truth is far for being comfortable. Still, alas! We all run after finding some comfortable truth!! If we seek comfort, we may find it an explanation, a relationship or a belief or even a drug; but it will be temporary, and sooner or later we will have to begin over again. A mind which seeks comfort, security, will always be in sorrow. It’s a paradox, don’t we see this thing in our lives everyday? Whatever we wish, whatever we think, of course in our partly confused minds, always reverse the gear by some sort of mojo.

We all want to get back into the happy state we once knew - to have again the pleasure of it. As we can’t do that, we are torn with sadness, and therefore, seek comfort. Our conditioned and confused minds won’t let us to face the fact that we think cause sorrow, and we try to escape.

However, there is no such thing as “lasting comfort”, at least apparently. We can’t reach truth by confusion. There is no such thing where no psychological disturbance whatsoever. One may put together, by various means, a state of security and conformity, but life soon comes knocking at the door. This knocking at the door, this awakening, is called sorrow. The more we seek happiness in life, the more we invite this sorrow.

My point is, we can’t do anything but to realize the truth of this fact, that a mind, which seeks happiness, will always be subject to sorrow. When we realize this, when we realize we are prisoners in our boats on this eternal river, we do not ask what to do, but a whole series of actions, or sometimes ‘inactions’ come into being.